


Yep, it's a... chat fic

by NotPitifulChildrenAnymore



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (And A Broken Heart-), Angst and Humor, Brooke Lohst Deserves The World, Fluff and Angst, I Stan These Friendships, Jake Dillinger Has Broken Legs, Let Brooke and Jake Be Besties, Michael Mell & Chloe Valentine Friendship, The Popular Kids Have Feelings, This Author Said High Christine Rights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:03:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotPitifulChildrenAnymore/pseuds/NotPitifulChildrenAnymore
Summary: It's a chat fic, enough said.Comments are more than welcome, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on where you think that I should go next!!!
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. The Chat is Born

**Author's Note:**

> The users are as follows
> 
> Chloe: Coco<3  
> Michael: Player1  
> Jeremy: Jere-bear  
> Christine: @playrehersal  
> Brooke: Brookebae  
> Rich: richsetaFIRE  
> Jake: Jock™  
> Jenna: GossipGirl  
> 

Monday January 28  
11:57 am

Brookebae: okay but like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Chloe so quiet

Jock™: oh my god your right

@playrehersal: isn’t she always right?

Jere-bear: well there was that one thing

richsetaFIRE: *collective realization*

Brookebae: i'm going to assume you mean deciding to date you? (✿◠‿◠)

richsetaFIRE: oh damn 

Gossipgirl: okay but we really gonna ignore Chloe actually not talking?!! Like… woah?!!

Coco<3: because it’s m o r n i n g

Coco<3: also Jake there are mc nuggs to be had, why are you texting?

Jock™: coming your highness

Brookebae: she is though

*Brookebae has changed Coco<3’s name to QueenBee<3

@playrehersal: Jake you better not be texting and driving i stg

Jock™: yes mom

QueenBee<3: yeah Jakey

Jock™: I will eat these nuggets

QueenBee<3: you will not

@playrehersal: Jake. Eyes. On. The. Road.

QueenBee<3: haha u got in trouble 

Jere-bear: the sibling energy

richsetaFIRE: Jakey please tell me you got us all nuggs

richsetaFIRE: Jakeyyyyyy

Brookebae: shh your gonna get him in trouble with mom

*QueenBee<3 has changed @playrehersals name to Mom*

Player1: So what'd I miss?

QueenBee<3: oh god

Jere-bear: 3

Brookebae: 2

Gossipgirl: 1

Mom: I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD

Brookebae: Angelica…

QueenBee<3: all the way from London?

Jere-bear: da- wait. Chloe, you know that?

Mom: I got her cultured

QueenBee<3: you showed up at my door with headphones and an Ipod

Jere-bear: oh she went easy on you

Player1: way easy

richsetaFIRE: ???

Brookebae: Chrissy got me cultured by dragging me behind the school and handing me a list of songs to listen to

Gossipgirl: Band room

Player1: my basement. I have no clue how she got in

Mom: well now your all cultured

*Brookebae has changed the group name to Cultured Children*

Jere-bear: wait, Rich isn’t though

*Brookebae has changed the group name to Semi- Cultured Children*

Brookebae: that’s a shame

Mom: Don’t worry, on my way

richsetaFIRE: wait what?

richsetaFIRE: Christine what are you doing?

QueenBee<3: Don’t resist, you’re gonna become cultured

*richsetaFIRE has sent a photo*

Jere-bear: ?

richsetaFIRE: she’s at my house

Mom: it was an emergency

Player1: u tell them mom

QueenBee<3: Now that she’s busy

QueenBee<3: Jake

QueenBee<3: where

QueenBee<3: are

QueenBee<3: my

QueenBee<3: mc

QueenBee<3: nuggets

Jere-bear: ha, Jake is gonna dieeee

Jock™: I’m heere. I must now go present my offerings

Jock™: Pray she accepts it

Gossipgirl: good luck

Brookebae: On my way, gotta see this

Jock™: ?

QueenBee<3: Jake i see your car get your butt over heere with the mcnuggs right now

Jere-bear: stay aliiiiive

Jock™: her majesty has been appeased

Brookebae: aww i wanted to see her rip ur head off

QueenBee<3: he’s been spared, come back next week for the beginning of niagara falls of blood

Jock™: no

Jock™: that just happened

Jock™: I’m not prepared

Brookebae: *grabs popcorn*

Jere-bear: don’t lose ur head

Gossipgirl: Jeremy

Jere-bear: what? Doing the job for Chris while she’s busy

3:28

QueenBee<3: okay but do you all know Madeline?

Jock™: OH GOD

Gossipgirl: heere we go

Brookebae: yeah, what about her?

Jerebear: *braces for it*

QueenBee<3: She is now going around claiming to be FRENCH

Player1: why do I feel like this is a personal offense?

Brookebae: Chlo is part French

richsetaFIRE: And hates Madeline. It fits

QueenBee<3: ANYWAY

QueenBee<3: it is so obvious she’s faking it

QueenBee<3: and she can’t even fake a French accent properly

Jere-bear: not all of us are born with Christine’s insane ability

Brookebae: Nah, Chlo’s always hated Madeline ever since y’know

QueenBee<3: BROOKE

Brookebae: sorry, never mind

Jock™: confused

Gossipgirl: ohhhhh

QueenBee<3: yep

QueenBee<3: but can we get back to what a horrible person she is

richsetaFIRE: no

Mom: she faked a French accent so she’s a horrible person?

Player1: Chris is too pure to understand the concept of hating someone

Mom: untrue, also Brooke did you do the thing?

Brookebae: oh yeah!

*Brookebae has changed QueenBees<3 name to HeatherChandler2.0*

HeatherChandler2.0: I hate each and every one of you

Brookebae: you gotta admit it works

Mom: even me?

HeatherChandler2.0: Michael did you give Chrissy the idea

Player1: mayhaps

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed Player1’s name to Corruptor*

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed Mom’s name to purebean*

Corruptor: rude

Corruptor: why isn’t it Brookes fault for going through with it

Brookebae: r u d e

HeatherChandler2.0: we can’t disappoint Christine, of course she agreed to it

Jere-bear: that’s fair

richsetaFIRE: guys guess what

Jock™: yes Rich?

richsetaFIRE: I AM NOW CULTURED

richsetaFIRE: REVEL IN MY GLORY

Purebean: your welcome

*Brookebae has changed richsetaFIRE’s name to SuddenlyCultured*

SuddenlyCultured: oh yeah thanks Chrissy

Purebean: have you all done your homework?

Corruptor: …

Brookebae: …

HeatherChandler2.0: …

Jock™: …

Jere-bear: yep

SuddenlyCultured: ye

GossipGirl: yes

Purebean: Really Chloe? Brooke? Jake? Michael?

Jere-bear: mom’s mad

HeatherChandler2.0: nobody asked Jerry

Corruptor: ooh she mad

HeatherChandler: NOBODY ASKED MICHAEL

Brookebae: Chlo, did you at least do the trig homework?

HeatherChandler2.0: uh, no

HeatherChandler2.0: you?

Brookebae: no

Purebean: all of you meet me at the library with your books

Purebean: except for the good children

Jere-bear: yay!

Jock™: yes ma’am

HeatherChandler2.0: Brookie come pick me up?

Brookebae: k, anyone else need a ride?

Corruptor: nah, see you guys there

Jock™: nope, on my way

Purebean: see you guys there

Jere-bear: have fun :)

HeatherChandler2.0: *virtual punch*

HeatherChandler2.0: Brooke can we make a detour when you come?

Brookebae: yeah sure

Purebean: make it quick

Brookebae: yes ma’am, on my way Chlo

Jere-bear: wait

Jere-bear: Chloe?

Jere-bear: Brooke?

Jere-bear: where are you guys going?

Jere-bear: aaaand they're both offline

Jock™: your dead man

Jere-bear: I know Jake

Jock™: like super dead

Jere-bear: I KNOW JAKE

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed Jock™’s name to CaptainObvious*

Jere-bear: Chloe wait

Jere-bear: and she’s offline again

SuddenlyCultured: Jake don’t you have to be at the library

CaptainObvious: gotta go bye


	2. Jeremy Is Totally Flecked (always be aware of autocorrect?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling sequel to the first chapter  
> I can't do romance or flirting can you tell?  
> I'll just be with Christine in the corner appreciating play rehearsal..

4:15  


*Jere-bear has sent a photo 

Jere-bear: nice knowing you guys 

Purebean: Jere, Jake and Michael are working 

Jere-bear: but Chrissy your daughters are gonna kill me 

Jere-bear: Chloe scares me 

Purebean: and not Brooke? 

Jere-bear: Chloe scares me 

Brookebae: I was gonna try to reign in Chloe as a favor to you but now we’re both coming in 

Purebean: just don’t be late 

Jere-bear: ?!! 

Purebean: If it was just Chloe I’d try but Brooke deserves a go at you 

Jere-bear: girlfriend of the year tbh 

Purebean: you know it <3 

*Brookebae has changed Purebeans name to bestmom* 

Brookebae: okay i lost Chloe 

Jere-bear: *lohst* 

Brookebae: you are dead to me 

Bestmom: babe as much as I'd love to worry about you right now 

Bestmom: Just help Brooke find Chloe please 

Jere-bear: Shh I’m hiding 

SuddenlyCultured: get out there and take it you coward 

5:54 

Corruptor: HA I just read up, this is great 

CaptainObvious: is that why Brooke looked so unimpressed when she showed up? 

Corruptor: I bet he took it like a man 

HeatherChandler2.0: meh 

Brookebae: definitely not 

Jere-bear: wow, okay 

Bestmom: it's okay Jere I'm sure you did fine 

Jere-bear: if you must know 

Jere-bear: it was an ambush 

Jere-bear: we found Chloe 

Jere-bear: There is nothing worse than an angry Chloe striding toward you with a heel in hand 

Jere-bear: and Brookie here wouldn’t stop laughing 

Brookebae: It was funny! 

Brookebae: besides, it was better than trying to wait for that guy to text me back 

*Brookebae has sent a screenshot* 

CaptainObvious: dear god Chloe what have you done to Brooke 

HeatherChandler2.0: what? You think I taught her that?!! 

Corruptor: yes 

Jere-bear: most definitely 

SuddenlyCultured: absolutely 

Bestmom: mhmm 

Gossipgirl: obviously 

CaptainObvious: is there anyone else? 

HeatherChandler2.0: i tried to teach her, she was never interested 

Brookebae: So sorry I didn’t wanna take high level seduction technique classes 

HeatherChandler2.0: it was flirting 

Gossipgirl: it was high level seduction techniques 

Bestmom: ANYWAY

Bestmom: GUESS WHAT

Jere-bear: ? 

Bestmom: each of these children have now gotten their education 

HeatherChandler2.0: don’t forget from whence you came 

CaptainObvious: That's it what is going on heere? Second one today

*Brookebae has changed HeatherChandler2.0’s name to secretlyatheaternerd* 

*secretlyatheaternerd has changed Brookebae’s name to failedflirt* 

Failedflirt: r u d e 

Bestmom: no that’s Jake 

*secretlyatheaternerd has changed Bestmom’s name to christiiiiiiine* 

*secretlyatheaternerd has changed Failedflirt’s name to Brookebae* 

*secretlyatheaternerd has changed CaptainObvious’s name to Failedflirt* 

*secretlyatheaternerd has changed their name to bestflirt* 

Brookebae: thx Chlo! 

Failedflirt: okay wow 

Bestflirt: is it not true? 

Christiiiiiiine: “i’m glad that girls not dead” works every time 

Bestflirt: NO 

Brookebae: CHRISSY I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING 

Bestflirt: OH MY GOD JAKE 

Bestflirt: you actually said that?!! 

SuddenlyCultured: come on man Brooke did ten times better than that 

Brookebae: excuse you? 

SuddenlyCultured: well maybe Jeremy, that’s a low enough standard right? 

Christiiiiiiine: “I’m joking” “well I’m Jeremy” 

Jere-bear: Chrissy!!! 

Christiiiiiiine: For what it’s worth i thought it was adorable 

Christiiiiiiine: and incredibly endering 

Brookebae: tbh Jere, you never stood a chance against play rehearsal then 

Jere-bear: yeah that’s fair 

Jere-bear: but it worked out <3 

Christiiiiiiine: it sure did <3 


	3. Brooke confronts the demon in the bush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha yeah... there's more!!! Like a lot more...  
> I'm unoriginal so a majority of the users are inspired by other fics I've read
> 
> Inspiration for this chapter came from I_can_get_extra_with_my_fics work Oh My God Why Are We Like This, a true masterpiece

Tuesday, January 29 

1:26 AM

Brookebae: I am never sleeping again

Jere-bear: Why, what happened?

Bestmom: guys it’s a school night are we really doing this?

Player1: Yes

Gossipgirl: I was up getting content for the blog anyway so why not

SuddenlyCultured: Okay but what happened?

Brookebae: I think I’m gonna die there’s a bunch of random noise outside my window

Failedflirt: ha your gonna die, nice knowing you tho

Bestflirt: Jake there’s nothing funny about Brooke dying

Brookebae: I mean… yeah but it sounds fun

*Brookebae has changed bestflirt’s name to secretlyhasaheart*

Secretlyhasaheart: Okay wow

Player1: Proof please?

*Brookebae has sent a photo*

*Secretlyhasaheart is now offline*

Jere-bear: Ha nice one Brooke

Brookebae: Aaaand she’s offline

Brookebae: anyway nice knowing you all

Brookebae: Shoutout to Chloe for being the best bae

Brookebae: Shoutout to Christine to being the best mom

Brookebae: Jere, Rich, Michael, you know what to do

Brookebae: Jenna, Jake take care of Chloe

SuddenlyCultured: RIP

Jere-bear: we are gathered heere today to celebrate the life of Brooke Lohst

Player1: Basic but adorable

Christiiiiiiine: Wait no Brooke don’t die

Christiiiiiiine: Brookiiiieeeeeee

Jere-bear: Great you made the pure bean cry, are you proud Brooke?

Failedflirt: wait where’s Chlo?

SuddenlyCultured: freaking out probably

SuddenlyCultured: She needs her Brookebae

Brookebae: Wait I’m not dead yet but the noise hasn’t stopped

SuddenlyCultured: you’re dead

Brookebae: Yeah ik

Player1: Brooke Lohst, looking death in the eyes

Brookebae: YO RANDOM NOISE COME AT ME

Brookebae: I cannot live like this, I’m climbing out the window

Jere-bear: BROOKE NO

FailedFlirt: Brooke yes

SuddenlyCultured: i can literally see Chloe’s blood pressure rising right now

FailedFlirt: we’re all dead once she reads up

Christiiiiiiine: Not *all* of us

Jere-bear: yeah true

GossipGirl: Chrissy you up for funeral planning once Chlo finds all this?

Christiiiiiiine: Sure, if we have time after Brookes

Player1: Christine could get away with murder, come at me

SuddenlyCultured: ^

Failed Flirt: ^

GossipGirl:^

Christiiiiiiine:^

Jere-bear: Christine nO

Christiiiiiiine: YeS

Jere-bear: You’ve all corrupted this sweet child you should all be ashamed

FailedFlirt: Chloe you better not have died 

SuddenlyCultured: I’m on it

Secretlyhasaheart: 48 MESSAGES RICHARD?

SuddenlyCultured: she’s alive y’all

Secretlyhasaheart: WHO LET BROOKE CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW?

*Secretlyhasaheart is offline*

FailedFlirt: I suggest we have the memorial at Pinkberry 

SuddenlyCultured: ^

GossipGirl: excuse me, me and Christine are the ones planning funerals heere

GossipGirl: tho that is an amazing idea 

Jere-bear: okay but how long has it been since Brooke jumped out the window?

Player1: about 15 minutes now my dude

FailedFlirt: she’s dead

SuddenlyCultured: RIP Brooke

Jere-bear: *triggered dad friend noises intensify*

Christiiiiiiine: wait nooo I don’t want her to die 

Player1: Jere go get your child

Jere-bear: on my way Chrissy

Jere-bear: then we’re stopping by Brookes to find my child

SuddenlyCultured: don’t take the pure bean into a possible murder site

Christiiiiiiine: I’m staying in the car

Jere-bear: Can’t believe you’d abandon your child like that

Christiiiiiiine: Yeah but if she’s dead I don’t wanna see it

Jere-bear: Exactly why I’m going

Jere-bear: to make sure she’s not 

Christiiiiiiine: Less talking more car going

Player1: ooooo

Christiiiiiiine: in the meantime

Christiiiiiiine: wait no Jeremy’s heere

Christiiiiiiine: Wow that was fast

FailedFlirt: Dad is triggered now

Jere-bear: Chrissy les go find my child

Christiiiiiiine: *our*

Jere-bear: Yeah that’s fair

SuddenlyCultured: it’s quiet uptown…

*Secretlyhasaheart has sent a photo*

Secretlyhasaheart: Brooke is getting it from both Chrissy and Jeremy

Secretlyhasaheart: Jere is ranting and Chris picks it up as soon as he stops

Secretlyhasaheart: It’s amazing

SuddenlyCultured: Brooke is alive?!!

FailedFlirt: Nice

Player1: I can feel Jeremys disappointment through the phone 

SuddenlyCultured: What are you doing there Chloe?

Secretlyhasaheart: …

*Secretlyhasaheart is offline*

FailedFlirt: wow rude

3: 24 AM

Christiiiiiiine: We lectured her for like 30 minutes about jumping out her window

Secretlyhasaheart: Then they had a huge group hug for another 30

Jere-bear: Well we were happy she was alive

FailedFlirt: so what was the random noise?

Brookebae: so ya see

Christiiiiiiine: it was a cat

SuddenlyCultured: I’m sorry it was what?

Brookebae: It was a cat

Brookebae: There was screaming

Brookebae: some hissing

Brookebae: pretty sure I sat on it

Brookebae: So then it scratched me

Secretlyhasaheart: Brooke you're leaving out the best part

Secretlyhasaheart: So I went over to make sure she didn’t die

Secretlyhasaheart: And all I heard was, “YOU CAN’T KILL ME”

Secretlyhasaheart: So then I went to the bush to find Brooke wrestling a cat

Brookebae: I THOUGHT IT WAS A PERSON

Brookebae: bc I literally fell out the window onto the cat which began scratching me

Brookebae: not to mention it was like pitch black and all i felt was something on my lap

Brookebae: Besides Chlo, you left out a very important detail

SuddenlyCultured: TELL US

Brookebae: Chloe decided to charge into the bush

Brookebae: which ended up scaring the cat

Brookebae: she also knocked me over then began chasing the cat 10 seconds later  
Jere-bear: That… explains a lot

Brookebae: rt

SuddenlyCultured: we have school in the morning

Christiiiiiiine: WOW RICH, you’re actually concerned about that?

SuddenlyCultured: you aren’t?

Christiiiiiiine: touche

Christiiiiiiine: also nah I’d rather know Brooke was alive

Brookebae: aww you all care! love u guys <3

Secretlyhasaheart: love u too Brookie <<3


	4. GO TO SLEEP CHLOE YOU INSOMNIAC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me? Projecting?  
> Yeah for sure BUT enjoy Chloe being a whole mood

7:46 AM

*secretlyhasaheart has changed their name to 

HeatherChandler2.0 *

HeatherChandler2.0: It grew on me

FailedFlirt: you have accepted your true form

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed FailedFlirt’s name to JakeyD*

HeatherChandler2.0: You were saying?

JakeyD: point taken

SuddenlyCultured: Chlo do mine please

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed   
SuddenlyCultured’s name to Aliteralgremlin*

HeatherChandler2.0: ;)

Aliteralgremlin: fight me

HeatherChandler2.0: okay

Brookebae: of all the things to wake up to

Brookebae: Also Rich it suits you

Aliteralgremlin: fight me Brooke

Brookebae: nah

JakeyD: Rich I’m on my way, please don’t fight anyone

Aliteralgremlin: We’ll see

JakeyD: = _ =

Brookebae: The chat is oddly quiet considering Chlo and Rich are on

HeatherChandler2.0: Getting ready

HeatherChandler2.0: I literally didn’t go to sleep

HeatherChandler2.0: I came home and began my   
makeup

Brookebae: CHLOE NO

HeatherChandler2.0: Chloe yes

HeatherChandler2.0: how am i gonna do gym

Brookebae: Chlo, when is the last time you slept?

HeatherChandler2.0: … I got like two hours of sleep three nights ago from 2-4?

HeatherChandler2.0: And it’s now… 7: 53

HeatherChandler2.0: So over 48 hours ago more or less?

Brookebae: you better not be coming in like that

HeatherChandler2.0: It’s okay, i got coffee

Aliteralgremlin: wow

Brookebae: That’s it I’m summoning Christine

Brookebae: LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I WISH I’D 

Christiiiiine: WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND DREAMED OF GLORY

Christiiiiiiine: YOU HAVE NO CONTROL

Brookebae: WHO LIVES

Christiiiiiiine: WHO DIES

Brookebae: WHO TELLS YOUR STORY

Brookebae: works every time but like

Brookebae: Please tell Chloe she needs to go to   
sleep

Christiiiiiiine: Wait what?

Christiiiiiiine: Hold up

Christiiiiiiine: Chloe Katlyn Valentine

Christiiiiiiine: You did not stay up for 48 hours

HeatherChandler2.0: these dark circles under my eyes had to come from somewhere

Christiiiiiiine: Nope, you’re staying in and getting SLEEP

HeatherChandler2.0: Great now i have to sneak into school

JakeyD: They’re right, you need to go to sleep

Aliteralgremlin: Seriously

HeatherChandler2.0: anyway I gotta go or I’ll be even later

*HeatherChandler2.0 is offline*

Brookebae: Dear god

*Brookebae is offline*

Christiiiiiiine: Gotta go, bye guys!!! See you at lunch

*Christiiiiiiine is offline*

JakeyD: See ya Rich

*JakeyD is offline*

*Aliteralgremlin is offline*

10: 57 AM:

*Jere-bear has sent a photo*

Jere-bear: she’s literally falling asleep @ her desk

Brookebae: ofc she is, she’s been up for 48 hours

HeatherChandler2.0: Kill me now

HeatherChandler2.0: Gym is next

Jere-bear: Did you just-

*Jere-bear has sent a photo*

Jere-bear: she just ripped off her jacket, then balled it up and fell into it face first

Jere-bear: yeah she’s asleep

HeatherChandler2.0: no I’m taking a nAp

Brookebae: Chloe go home and go to sleep

HeatherChandler2.0: you can’t tell me what to do

Jere-bear: did u just… stick out your tongue?

HeatherChandler2.0: yEs

Brookebae: Whatever you do don’t go to gym

Brookebae: you’re gonna pass out in the middle of the track

Jere-bear: Chloe look alive the teacher’s gonna call on u

Jere-bear: She just answered then flopped back onto the desk

Jere-bear: GO TO SLEEP CHLOE YOU INSOMNIAC

Brookebae: was that meant to be an insult?

Jere-bear: Not exactly? I don’t know

HeatherChandler2.0: never

Brookebae: if you actually go to gym I stg

Jere-bear: Periods over and she’s not getting up

Jere-bear: wait no she’s up

11: 30 am  
Brookebae: so we were right

Christiiiiiiine: ?

Brookebae: she fell asleep underneath the bleachers

*Brookebae has sent a photo*

JakeyD: called it

Brookebae: no??? you??? didn’t???

Jere-bear: we literally all called it

Brookebae: do I try to wake her up?

Brookebae: alright I’m gonna try it

Brookebae: success! Rich, tell our teachers Chloe wasn’t feeling good so I took her home

Aliteralgremlin: k

Jere-bear: I’ll stop by later?

Brookebae: maybe, I’ll let you know

12: 27 PM  
PureBean Squad ( Brooke, Christine, Jeremy)

Brookebae: approximately half this car ride has been Chloe denying she’s tired

Brookebae: yet she fell asleep as soon as she got in

Christiiiiiiine: Brooke you better not be texting and driving

Brookebae: no, we’re at my house now

Christiiiiiiine: Great, is she sleeping?

Brookebae: she was last time I checked

Brookebae: and hopefully she still is

Brookebae: I’d say let’s do a movie night but I have a feeling she’ll be sleeping for a while

Jere-bear: me and Christine can stop by if you want some company 

Christiiiiiiine: I’m down for it

Brookebae: sure, sounds great!


	5. This is why we don't let the pure bean watch horror movies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I really said high Christine rights. I hope you found it half as funny as I did while writing it
> 
> Also my new thing is hinting at Chloe and Michael's friendship. It's adorable and deserves more love, just like StageDorks

Wednesday January 30  
6:39 PM

SQUIP Squad

Jere- Bear: PEOPLE

Jere-bear: What did I just walk in on?

Jere-bear: Christine is crying

Jere-bear: Brooke is eating ice cream

Jere-bear: and Chloe is throwing things at the TV

JakeyD: ohhh

JakeyD: wait

JakeyD: dear god no

JakeyD: Chloe said it wasn’t for another week…

HeatherChandler2.0: we synced

HeatherChandler2.0: Also Jeremy is useless

HeatherChandler2.0: he didn’t bring anything useful

Brookebae: like ice cream?

HeatherChandler2.0: I was thinking midol and tampons but sure?

Brookebae: Chloe I’m right here

HeatherChandler2.0: yeah but your so farrrrrr

Jere-bear: okay first off these two are no help

Jere-bear: also I think Chrissy is broken?

Aliteralgremlin: nah, it's the period hormones

HeatherChandler2.0: she’s watching Bambi  


HeatherChandler2.0: 0/10 wouldn’t recommend

Player1: who let the pure bean watch Bambi?

Jere-bear: this is about Bambi?

JakeyD: idk man, Bambi can be pretty brutal

Jere-bear: and neither of you could actually tell me this because…

HeatherChandler2.0: too much effort to say out loud

Brookebae: ^

Christiiiiiiine: Guys bambi will be okay right?

Aliteralgremlin: nope

Jere-bear: RICH

Jere-bear: great job she’s literally sobbing now

Jere-bear: Um I think Chloe is about to break the TV

Jere-bear: wait never mind, she just changed the channel

Christiiiiiiine: noooooo i want to keep watching Bambi!!! :(

Player1: …

Player1: but

Christiiiiiiine: bambi

Christiiiiiiine: now

Jere-bear: okay, but Bambi doesn’t actually die you know

Christiiiiiiine: never mind then, sounds boring

Aliteralgremlin: Jenna quick come record this for all prosperity

GossipGirl: we’ve turned her into one of us, nice

Aliteralgremlin: she likes the gorey stuff deep down

Aliteralgremlin: Chrissy wanna come watch a horror movie with me and Jenna?

Christiiiiiiine: Ooh okay!

Jere-bear: no

Jere-bear: no way

Jere-bear: she’s been corrupted enough

Jere-bear: must we traumatize her too?

Christiiiiiiine: but i want to :(

Jere-bear: I-

Player1: let the girl live Jere

HeatherChandler2.0: ^

Jere-bear: she will be traumatized and you know it

Brookebae: your point is…

Jere-bear: fine but its on you

Jere-bear: and you guys can deal with the trauma after

HeatherChandler2.0: he just left like that

HeatherChandler2.0 wow

HeatherChandler2.0: okay I’m gonna go try to make a pizza

JakeyD: uhhhh

HeatherChandler2.0: what?

JakeyD: have you ever made one before?

HeatherChandler2.0: nope

JakeyD: nice

Aliteralgremlin: alrighty me and Jenna are coming with the movie collection

JakeyD: cool have fun

Christiiiiiiine: :)

Player1: see Jere, she’s happy now

Jere-bear: she was crying over Bambi seconds ago…

Brookebae: just deal with it

HeatherChandler2.0: Rich is the best

JakeyD: you wanted to kill him yesterday…

HeatherChandler2.0: he brought the goods

HeatherChandler2.0:therefore he is the best

10:38 pm

HeatherChandler2.0: so… uh

Jere-bear: what?

Jere-bear: what did you guys do now

Brookebae: I think we traumatized Christine 

Jere-bear: of course you did

Aliteralgremlin: no but for real

Aliteralgremlin: I think she left

Jere-bear: what did you guys show her?

Brookebae: idk, me and Chlo left to get Pinkberry

Aliteralgremlin: we may have shown her The Conjuring

Jere-bear: yOu WhAt?!!

Jere-bear: do any of you know where she went?

HeatherChandler2.0: nope

Brookebae: no

JakeyD: no clue

Aliteralgremlin: uh

Player1: she’s with me

Player1: she was freaking out so my moms let her in

Player1: she’s… better now I guess?

Jere-bear: define better

Player1: ummmm

Player1: well

Player1: before you freak out

Player1: she was borderline hyperventilating and I didn’t know what to do

Player1: and I didn’t outright offer her one…

Jere-bear: you did not

Player1: not outright

Player1: besides, she’s fine

Player1: I think

Christiiiiiiine: yepppppp

Christiiiiiiine: i’m all goodddddd

Player1: see? she’s fine

Player1: wait

Player1: she just tripped and fell on her face

Player1: now she just flipped over and she’s laughing at the ceiling

HeatherChandler2.0: and I thought Rich couldn’t handle his high

Brookebae: ha, Rich just tackled her

Brookebae: he really is like a literal gremlin

Brookebae: oof that must have hurt

Brookebae: for Rich obviously

Jere-bear: I’m on my way

HeatherChandler2.0: come once your done I need you to pry Rich off my lap

Brookebae: he’s on his period too, that’s why he’s so emotional about his height today

HeatherChandler2.0: he’s on his period every day then

HeatherChandler2.0: Rich that was my boob what the hell?

JakeyD: dear god

JakeyD: Brooke do something

JakeyD: I don’t wanna have to hold a funeral for him

Brookebae: we don’t cross the gremlin

Brookebae: let them work it out it’s fine

JakeyD: we choose wonderful soulmates huh

*Brookebae has sent a photo*

Brookebae: majestic

JakeyD: what are they doing to each other?

Brookebae: working through issues they’ll be fine

Player1: Brooke since when were you a 80 year old history teacher preaching about the good old days when you were allowed to  
express yourself through violence

Brookebae: since now

Brookebae: and since this got so entertaining

Brookebae: plus I’m cramping too hard to get up and actually do something 

Christiiiiiiine: hiiiiiii

Brookebae: hi Chrissy

HeatherChandler2.0: finally got him off

HeatherChandler2.0: how are you feeling?

Christiiiiiiine: uh

Christiiiiiiine: good i guess?

Christiiiiiiine: wait guys

Christiiiiiiine: im so confuzzled

Brookebae: Michael you sure she’s actually okay?

Player1: yeah it’s just her first time

Christiiiiiiine: what if

Christiiiiiiine: we’re all just parts of a simulation

JakeyD: Careful Chlo she’s coming toward your edgelord status

HeatherChandler2.0: impossible

Aliteralgremlin: i mean, no one is disputing Christine's idea

Christiiiiiiine: trueeeee

Christiiiiiiine: oooh that’s pretty

Player1: she found my washing machine if anyone is curious

Brookebae: lovely

Brookebae: whatever is going on there sounds fun, I’m omw too

JakeyD: so cramps mysteriously disappeared?

Brookebae: Jake

Brookebae: I love you in the most platonic way possible 

Brookebae: but for the love of god

Brookebae. You can be so dense

Brookebae: how could you have spent so long around Chloe

Brookebae: and not known how well we can ignore cramps when there’s something going on

JakeyD: breaking up Chloe and Rich doesn’t count?

Brookebae: nah

Brookebae: anyway I’m gonna go

Brookebae: and if my cramps get worse

Brookebae: it’s on you guys for making this so worth getting up for

HeatherChandler2.0: my heartlessness is rubbing off on you

Brookebae: after 10 years? Not likely

Brookebae: Michael I’m on my way 

Player1: good I need backup till Jere gets here

Christiiiiiiine: :(

Christiiiiiiine: oh wait Brookie is coming?

Christiiiiiiine: :)

Brookebae: :)

*Player1 has sent a photo*

Player1: this is the stunning washing machine guys

Christiiiiiiine: don’t be sarcastic, you’ll hurt its feelings

HeatherChandler2.0: don’t hurt the washing machines feelings Michael

Player1: Brooke hurry up

Player1: she’s lecturing me on being mean to inanimate objects

Aliteralgremlin: well deserved, don’t be mean to the washing machine

Christiiiiiiine: exactly

*Christiiiiiiine has sent a photo*

Christiiiiiiine: guys this is its new headshot

Christiiiiiiine: I’m submitting it for a pageant :)

JakeyD: can we give the poor thing a name?

Christiiiiiiine: uhhhhh

Christiiiiiiine: no, that sounds like hard work

JakeyD: so we’re christening the washing machine It?

Aliteralgremlin: oh yeah we also watched It too

JakeyD: pennywise the washing machine

Aliteralgremlin: yeah perfect

HeatherChandler2.0: seconded

Christiiiiiiine: Pennywise is gorgeous guys

Brookebae: can confirm now that I see it in person

Player1: it really isn’t

HeatherChandler2.0: hey rude, it IS gorgeous

JakeyD: wow not even Chloe can bring herself to insult it

Brookebae: queen bee has spoken, Pennywise is gorgeous

Jere-bear: yeah it really is

Christiiiiiiine: yay Jeremy!!!

Brookebae: wait where are you?

Player1: pff Jeremy came up behind her and she jumped into the air

Player1: now he’s trying to convince Christine to go home

Aliteralgremlin: godspeed and good luck with that

Player1: wait no now she’s making out with him

Player1: wow

HeatherChandler2.0: ah, young love

Player1: you stealing my thing Valentine?

HeatherChandler2.0: yeah

Player1: whatever

HeatherChandler2.0: :D

Player1: ... please tell me you aren't high too 

HeatherChandler2.0: and you think that because? 

Player1: you only use that :D when your wasted, high or happy 

HeatherChandler2.0: Yes... and? 

JakeyD: Chlo 

JakeyD: does being around us make you happy? :D 

HeatherChandler2.0: yeah Sherlock 

HeatherChandler2.0: Idiot 

JakeyD: ok, cool 

HeatherChandler2.0: on that note 

HeatherChandler2.0: I'm out 

HeatherChandler2.0: love y'all, good night 

JakeyD: Chloe 

JakeyD: Chloe 

JakeyD: Chloe 

JakeyD: Chloe 

JakeyD: Chloe 

HeatherChandler2.0: I'm trying to sleep but yes? 

JakeyD: nothing 

JakeyD: we love you too 

*HeatherChandler2.0 is offline* 

Player1: that went well 

Player1: in the meantime 

Player1: someone come break up this flaggarent display of love I am being forced to endure watching 

Aliteralgremlin: isn't Brooke there? 

Player1: "my best friend my problem" 

Player1: which I'll take to mean she's too high to care 

Player1: wait guys 

Player1: yes, success 

Player1: they out 

Player1: by which I mean Jeremy went to go get water 

Player1: which he did NOT splash in her face like he's done to me 

Player1: multiple times 

Player1: hydration for the winnnnn 

JakeyD: that awkward idea when Brooke had the best idea of all of us by going over 

Brookebae: Watch it Dillinger, I am brilliant 

Player1: guys 

Player1: no fighting 

Player1: the communal common sense brain cell between you two deserves two loving parents 

JakeyD: fine, but I'm revisiting the custody agreement 

Brookebae: just give it to me on weekends and we'll be fine 

JakeyD: you really wanna give it up on weekdays? 

Brookebae: sure, I only really need the book brain cells and people brain cells for school 

Player1: just split it 

Brookebae: and hurt the brain cell? Nah 

Aliteralgremlin: so we're all in agreement that Brooke and Jake share 1 common sense brain cell? 

Brookebae: yeah 

JakeyD: pretty much 

Player1: alrighty cool 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe absolutely loves her friends with all her heart, fight me


	6. Chloe has a heart and it shows, wow I'm so proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t let things be happy for 10 seconds huh  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is more coming and I have a vague sense of where I want this to go which is good?  
> If you have anything you want to say about this, any concerns or just have an idea of what you'd like to see next, I'm open for suggestions! Let me know in the comments

February 1  
3:26 AM 

Christiiiiiiine: Richard I hate you

Aliteralgremlin: you called?

Christiiiiiiine: yep

Christiiiiiiine: why the Conjuring?

Aliteralgremlin: you wanted to watch a horror movie

Christiiiiiiine: true

HeatherChandler2.0: guys its 3 in the morning

Aliteralgremlin: yeah, why are you up Chrissy?

Christiiiiiiine: couldn’t sleep

Christiiiiiiine: oh no

HeatherChandler2.0: what happened?

Christiiiiiiine: I forgot my ADD medication

Christiiiiiiine: no wonder I can’t sleep

HeatherChandler2.0: do you want me to bring it?

Christiiiiiiine: no it’s fine

Christiiiiiiine: It won’t do anything in the morning anyway

Aliteralgremlin: you sure you're okay?

Christiiiiiiine: Yep! Sorry to wake you guys up

HeatherChandler2.0: no problem

Aliteralgremlin: just try to get some sleep Chrissy

Christiiiiiiine: I’ll try

6:47

Brookebae: good morning people currently not here

HeatherChandler2.0: morning

JakeyD: is it? Is it really?

Aliteralgremlin: maybe, maybe not

Christiiiiiiine: partially good morning?

Brookebae: Where are you Chrissy?

Christiiiiiiine: I went to go get my bag for school

Christiiiiiiine: see you guys there

Christiiiiiiine: and thank you for letting me stay over Michael!

Player1: no problem, my moms adore you

Jere-bear: :(

Player1: oh calm down they adore you too

JakeyD: and i thought Chloe was jealous…

HeatherChandler2.0: i’m not even honoring that with a response

I’m in me mums car (vroom vroom)

Brookiecookie<<< Jerry

Brookiecookie: Jere

Jerry: Brooke

Jerry: whats up?

Brookiecookie: so I know Chrissy missed her meds last night

Brookiecookie: is there any way to help?

Brookiecookie: We’re in trig right now and she can’t focus

Jerry: shoot

Jerry: uh, I’m not sure

Jerry: how bad is it?

Brookiecookie: not sure

Brookiecookie: but she’s all over

Brookiecookie: she just left class

Brookiecookie: I gotta go Jere

Jerry: let me know where you guys are, I’ll try to help

Brookiecookie: maybe leave it to me? I’ll let you know

Brookiecookie: Try texting her in case I can’t reach her

It’s from a musical (The cultured ones)

ItsYaBoi <<< TheCenterofAttention

ItsYaBoi: Hey Chrissy?

ItsYaBoi: So uh

ItsYaBoi: I think I know what happened

ItsYaBoi: But I hope everythings okay

It's called a bow...

Prince<3 <<< Juliet <3

Prince<3: Everything okay Chrissy?

Prince<3: Stupid question sorry

Prince<3: but uh

Prince<3: let me know if I can help

JustDramatic <<< DramaQueen

JustDramatic: god I can’t believe I kept this user

JustDramatic: but it’s grown on me I guess…

JustDramatic: anyway, hope everythings okay

BurnDownForWhat <<< QueenOfNewYork

BurnDownForWhat: Chrissy

BurnDownForWhat: U ok?

MichaelMakesAnEntrance <<< ChristiiiiineCanigulove <3

MichaelMakesAnEntrance: Jere just burst into the room asking if I saw you

MichaelMakesAnEntrance: so I’m gonna assume somethings up

MichaelMakesAnEntrance: And you know where I am if you need to escape a bit

MichaelMakesAnEntrance: its ok if you don't want to talk

MichaelMakesAnEntrance: but we’re all worried about you

Brookie <3 <<< Chrissy <3

Brookie <3: Chrissy

Brookie <3: I know you aren’t okay right now

Brookie <3: I get that

Brookie <3: I think I know how to help

Brookie <3: Please just tell me where you went  


Chrissy <3: Backstage

Brookie <3: I’m coming

Chrissy <3: Brooke?

Chrissy <3: Thank you

Here’s the tea

JennaRolanCalling <<< RulesTheSchool

*JennaRolanCalling has sent a photo*  


RulesTheSchool: why Jenna?

RulesTheSchool: Brooke is going to kill me

JennaRolanCalling: figured you’d want to know

RulesTheSchool yeah but

RulesTheSchool: forget it

RulesTheSchool: did you just walk in on them like that?

JennaRolanCalling: I just stumbled upon them yes

RulesTheSchool: delete it please

RulesTheSchool: it’s fine, really

JennaRolanCalling: if you say so

*JennaRolanCalling is offline*

RulesTheSchool: ...

*RulesTheSchool has taken a screenshot*

Mell <<< Valentine

Valentine: Mell

Mell: ooooh it’s valentine's dayyyyyy

Valentine: Michael

Valentine: focus

Valentine: now

*Valentine has sent a screenshot*

Mell: now that’s some good stuff

Valentine: why do I bother

*Valentine is offline*  


Mell: Wait

Mell: Chloe

Mell: Chlo

Mell: Don’t ghost me

Valentine: Don’t call me Chlo, that’s Brookes thing

Mell: no it's not?  


Mell: even if so not for long 

Valentine: I-

Mell: I’m sorry

Mell: that was uncalled for

Valentine: you think?

Mell: for what it’s worth, I think you did good

Mell: Brooke would hate you for life

Valentine: the fact that she doesn’t already is questionable  


Mell: And we’re sure I’m the disaster here?

Valentine: oh my god

Mell: You did the right thing is my point

Mell: What are you going to do with it?  


Valentine: idk

Valentine: send it?

Valentine: delete it?

Mell: just delete it

Mell: out of sight out of mind

Mell: i’m gonna delete it too

Mell: just try not to make too much of a fool out of yourself if you ask her about it

Mell: you got this

Mell: love u Chlo

Valentine: …

Valentine: love you too Micha


	7. Piiiiiiiiiiinkberry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating a day early? Yep! Enjoy my horrible, nonsensical sense of humor and angst bc I am the worst and cannot leave good things alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe 100% knows how to cook, all of you are just cowards
> 
> Feel free to talk to me about this! Let me know how you feel about it, tell me any standouts (please, I need to know my sense of humor is actually funny to like 1 other person)

The Squip Squad  
12:37 AM

Player1: wait wait wait

Player1: I just realized

Player1: Rich touched the titty

Jere-bear: Micha

Jere-bear: not this again

HeatherChandler2.0: pardon?

HeatherChandler2.0: what do you mean again?

Jere-bear: him being high not your boobs

Brookebae: ooh lit what are we discussing?

Player1: Rich touching the titty

HeatherChandler2.0: my breasts apparently

Jere-bear: neither, Michael is high

JakeyD: oh we’re discussing Chloes tits?

Brookebae: no

JakeyD: :(

HeatherChandler2.0: I know I’m sad too

Brookebae: ^

Jere-bear: ummm

Brookebae: what?

Brookebae: best friends Jere :)

Jere-beazzz I’m r: ohhhh

Jere-bear: cool

Brookie<3<<< Coco<3

Brookie<3: oh my god

Coco<3: he’s that oblivious huh

Brookie<3: Chlo

Brookie<3: I said I liked your boobs

Brookie<3: And he thinks I meant as friends

Brookie<3: So confused

Coco<3: I mean…

Brookie<3: no

Coco<3: Oh so last night they were good but now-

Brookie<3: =_=

Coco<3: am I wrong?

Brookie<3: I was going to tell them

Brookie<3: But now I’m tempted to let this play out

Coco<3: yeah sounds fun

The Squip Squad

Aliteralgremlin: I miss all the fun

Aliteralgremlin: Also dear god Jeremy you are oblivious man

Jere-bear: ?

HeatherChandler2.0: Don’t you dare

Brookebae: he can figure it out on his own

Player1: ohhhhhh

Player1: good for you Chlo

HeatherChandler2.0: right

JakeyD: bout time

Christiiiiiiine: Jake don’t ruin it for them 

Christiiiiiiine: and congratulations you two!

Brookebae: thanks Chrissy!

HeatherChandler2.0: thanks <3

GossipGirl: I’m so tempted to let the school know

GossipGirl: but I won’t

Player1: niceeee

GossipGirl: they’ll all know soon anyway

JakeyD: true

Aliteralgremlin: once Jeremy finally gets it I want details

Brookebae: we’ll be here a while

Jere-bear: I’m still so confused

HeatherChandler2.0: on that note 

HeatherChandler2.0: I’m going to bed

HeatherChandler2.0: good night don’t die

JakeyD: inspirational

Player1: guys she doesn’t want us to die

Player1: I’m so flattered

JakeyD: wait is Brooke with you? ;)

HeatherChandler2.0: Jake shut up and go to sleep

JakeyD: okay, enjoy your night ;)

Christiiiiiiine: night everyone!!!!

Aliteralgremlin: alrighty I’m out

Player1: bye

I’m in me mums car (vroom vroom)

3:37

Jerry: wait

Jerry: Brooke?

Brookiecookie: yes Jere?

Jerry: I still don’t get it

Brookiecookie: I- 

Brookiecookie: just give it a minute Jeremy 

Brookiecookie: you’ll get it

Brookiecookie: and get some sleep

Jerry: wait why are you still up tho?

Brookiecookie: good night Jere

The Squip Squad  
5:23 Am

Jere-bear: Ohhhh 

Jere-bear: OH

Christiiiiiiine: mood

HeatherChandler2.0: rt

Brookebae: my god he got it!

Jere-bear: congrats you guys!

HeatherChandler2.0: thank you :)

Brookebae: thanks Jere

Aliteralgremlin: oh he got it?!!!

Aliteralgremlin: nice

Aliteralgremlin: now that everyone’s in the loop

Aliteralgremlin: soooooo? ;)

*HeatherChandler2.0 has left the chat*

Brookebae: yeah it was a lovely night

JakeyD: :0

Brookebae: tons of stars

Brookebae: great breeze

Jere-bear: nice

*HeatherChandler2.0 has changed their name to Lohstinhereyes*

Christiiiiiiine: my heart literally can’t right now

Player1: I know sweetie it’s adorable 

GossipGirl: screenshotted

Player1: Good, document some young love 

Lohstinhereyes: I… have no response 

Lohstinhereyes: Brooke come over pls

Brookebae: k, on my way

Player1: adorable, have fun you crazy kids

8:29

Aliteralgremlin: anyone know how to summon Chloe?

Aliteralgremlin: she’s not picking up

JakeyD: just call her Chlo

Christiiiiiiine: tell her Brooke is being reckless again

Aliteralgremlin: okay I’ll do both

Aliteralgremlin: yo Chlo Brooke is doing something reckless again

JakeyD: smooth

Lohstinhereyes: No she’s not, she’s with me

Player1: oh so she is doing something (someone) reckless

Lohstinhereyes: …

Lohstinhereyes: what’s up Rich?

Aliteralgremlin: meet me by the bathroom?

Aliteralgremlin: please?

Lohstinhereyes: um sure

Aliteralgremlin: and please bring your bag

Lohstinhereyes: oh

Lohstinhereyes: I’m coming rn

JakeyD: I’m coming too

Aliteralgremlin: um

Baguette <<< FrenchBaguette

Baguette : Chlo

Baguette : please tell him something

Baguette : anything

FrenchBaguette: Rich

FrenchBaguette: you have to tell him

Baguette : I know, but not now

Baguette : Please Chlo?

FrenchBaguette: okay

FrenchBaguette: what am I bringing?

Baguette: just concealer

Baguette: it’s not bleeding anymore

FrenchBaguette: dear god

FrenchBaguette: the dresser is coming in today btw

FrenchBaguette: do you want me to come with you while you pick stuff up?

Baguette: I don’t know, hopefully he’ll be gone

FrenchBaguette: I’m not letting you go alone if the bruises are especially bad

Baguette: fine

The Squip Squad

JakeyD: Rich?

Lohstinhereyes: he’s good, I’m with him

Lohstinhereyes: he just needed some stuff

JakeyD: oh good

JakeyD: do you need any help?

Lohstinhereyes: nope

Lohstinhereyes: all good

Baguette <<< FrenchBaguette

Baguette: thank you again Chlo

FrenchBaguette: what for, it’s nothing

FrenchBaguette: I’m coming with you by the way

Baguette: meet you after school?

FrenchBaguette: yep

Brookie<3<<< Coco<3

Brookie<3: hey gorgeous

Coco<3: hey love

Coco<3: what’s up?

Brookie<3: not much

Brookie<3: you up for Pinkberry later?

Coco<3: Maybe not today, rain check?

Brookie<3: of course

Brookie<3: hope everything is okay!

Coco<3: ty, me too

Coco<3: I gotta go, love you!

Brookie: love you too Chlo

Baguette <<< FrenchBaguette

Baguette: you ready?

Baguette: you can back out any time you know

FrenchBaguette: not likely

FrenchBaguette: I’m on my way now

FrenchBaguette: then we gotta go to the store

FrenchBaguette: I need supplies for dinner

Baguette: no problem

FrenchBaguette: you do like lasagna right?

Baguette: Chlo you don’t have to

FrenchBaguette: I know

FrenchBaguette: but I’m hungry

FrenchBaguette: and craving many things

Baguette: thank you Chloe

Baguette: I mean it

FrenchBaguette: Rich, you don’t have to thank me

FrenchBaguette: I care, so I’m doing this

FrenchBaguette: k?

Baguette: k

The Squip Squad

Aliteralgremlin: anyone know how to patch up a black eye?

Brookebae: What?

JakeyD: Rich are you okay?

Aliteralgremlin: yeah I’m fine

Jere-bear: so who isn’t?...

Brookebae: Wait

Brookebae: Oh my god I am going to kill her

Lohstinhereyes: okay wow

Lohstinhereyes: love you too Brooke

Lohstinhereyes: I go to cook something for ten seconds

Lohstinhereyes: and you somehow manage to get my girlfriend to want to kill me

Brookebae: so you don’t have a black eye?

Player1: they’re like an old married couple

Lohstinhereyes: ok maybe it’s a black eye

Lohstinhereyes: but it doesn’t hurt

Brookebae: what were you doing to get a black eye?

Lohstinhereyes: I tripped and fell

Player1: r/thathappened

Lohstinhereyes: Seriously Michael?

Brookebae: Okay then

Brookebae: I’m coming over though

Brookebae: do you need anything?

Lohstinhereyes: nope, I’m fine

Lohstinhereyes: Rich is helping

Aliteralgremlin: :)


	8. My girl Chrissy becomes the reason for a Lysol shortage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for whatever this is... but hopefully it was entertaining?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the style will fluctuate from memes to like Victorian style poetics, that’s kinda my only two inbetweens for texting so I’m kinda reflecting it heere?
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, and don’t be afraid to comment and let me know what you think!

February 2  
1: 27 Am  


JakeyD: who let Christine and Rich gang up

Jere- bear: shhh let the short ones provide comfort to each other

Aliteralgremlin: betrayal

Aliteralgremlin: besides we aren't doing anything

Christiiiiiiine: aww Rich you should have let me know if we were ganging up

Lohstinhereyes: Jake why would you suggest that?

JakeyD: because Rich is being suspicious

Brookebae: Jake 

Brookebae: get to know your boyf 

Brookebae: seriously

Brookebae: whatever he’s doing it’s not suspicious, it’s just Rich

Player1: Brooke why must you steal my thing

Brookebae: Rich copyrighted it

Brookebae: he granted rights so 

Brookebae: Not exclusive use for u anymore

Brookebae: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Brookebae: and now he’s letting me use it

Lohstinhereyes: it’s too early for the lawyer stuff

JakeyD: It’s 1 am Chloe

Lohstinhereyes: yeah my point exactly

Player1: Rich

Player1: Rich

Player1: Rich

Player1: Rich

Player1: Rich

Player1: Rich

Aliteralgremlin: I have been summoned

Aliteralgremlin: what do u need?

Player1: did you really copyright BoyF- riends

Aliteralgremlin: i convinced Jeremy to sign over  
exclusive rights

Player1: Jeremy

Player1: My buddy

Player1: My player 2

Player1: why?

Jere-bear: I really just wanted to use the bathroom in peace

Player1: that checks out

Player1: but Rich, you and Jake should get your own thing

Brookebae: Bro 1 and Bro 2

*Lohstinhereyes has changed JakeyD’s name to Bro1*

*Brookebae has changed Aliteralgremlin’s name to Bro2*

Bro1: Bro

Bro2: Bro

Brookebae: *wipes away tears* oh for love like that

Lohstinhereyes: an inspiration to all who are aspiring for romance

Player1: so not you then?

Player1: you're doing a fairly good job of it yourself ;)

GossipGirl: oh yeahhhhh

GossipGirl: that was… interesting

Bro1: ?

Bro2: ?

Christiiiiiiine: ?

Christiiiiiiine: I was gonna go plan something with Rich but now I’m curious

Jere-bear: ?

Brookebae: Jere on a scale of 1-10 how necessary is Michael to your survival?

Jere-bear: Uh like a 10

Player1: rude

Player1: we both know it’s a solid 20

Bro2: oh niceeee

Bro1: wow Chlo that was quick

Christiiiiiiine: Rich

Christiiiiiiine: explain pls

Jere-bear: don’t you dare

Bro2: short people provide answers to their fellow  
shorts

Bro2: i can’t break the code

Bro2: i’ll break it to her over call

Jere-bear: haha I’d hate to be you two when she finds out

Bro1: hope it was worth it

Bro1: Rich has the most mischievous look on his face right now

Player1: the face of a life ruiner, yes

Christiiiiiiine: Brooke Adrianna Lohst

Christiiiiiiine: you did not

Brookebae: …

Player1: why Brooke first?

GossipGirl: one who initiated always gets it first

Jere-bear: how do you know tho?

GossipGirl: I may have passed by…

Christiiiiiiine: never mind that

Christiiiiiiine: PLEASE tell me it wasn’t in the bathroom

Lohstinhereyes: nope, it wasn’t

Player1: really wasn’t much better…

Lohstinhereyes: MICHAEL

Brookebae: he’s kinda right

Brookebae: I mean, a bush

Lohstinhereyes: you're the one who said it was your favorite place behind the school

Brookebae: touche

Christiiiiiiine: nope

Christiiiiiiine: that’s it

Christiiiiiiine: Jere I need lysol and tons of it

Jere-bear: Chrissy it’s fine

Christiiiiiiine: do you even know what’s in a bush?

Christiiiiiiine: or what could be crawling around?

Bro1: that’s… disturbing

Bro1: also who has their first time together in a bush?

Lohstinhereyes: well it wasn’t the first time

Lohstinhereyes: the first time was a bit more… thought out

Player1: Awwww

Christiiiiiiine: I’m off to go bulk buy some Lysol 

Bro2: good luck

Bro2: you two have some time while Chrissy buys out every store in the area

Lohstinhereyes : I’m sorry what?

Brookebae: yeah, she was dead serious about that babe

Lohstinhereyes: Um nope

Lohstinhereyes: bye 

Lohstinhereyes : see y’all later

Lohstinhereyes : I’m out

Brookebae: Chlo if I’m going out we’re going out together

Lohstinhereyes: Brooke 

Lohstinhereyes: babe 

Lohstinhereyes: literal light of my life 

Lohstinhereyes: we all know I’m too hot to go out like that 

Brookebae: Chloe 

Brookebae: Angel 

Brookebae: literal love of my life 

Brookebae: nice try love, your dealing with it too 

Lohstinhereyes: fineeee 

Lohstinhereyes: only bc I love you 

Brookebae: love you too Chlo <3 

Aliteralgremlin: guys chill it’s just Lysol 

Player1: Shhh enjoy the young love 

Brookebae: Richard how dare you

Brookebae: it’s about HONOR 

Jere-bear: guys Chrissy just texted me to let me know she needs all my Lysol 

Jere-bear: she’s serious, Godspeed both of you 

Aliteralgremlin: father can’t you intervene on their behalf? 

JakeyD: Mom’s mad, there is no stopping her 

Aliteralgremlin: Jakeeee :( 

JakeyD: dear god Christine brainwashed all of you into mini Shakespeares 

JakeyD: okay uhhhh 

JakeyD: alas, there is no force wherein that is strong enough to prevent the storm from making haste, we can only pray that the storm passes quickly 

Brookebae: she approaches, wish us well 

Aliteralgremlin: F 


	9. Chloe has a heart and it shows, wow I'm so proud of her part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some pure Chloe and Jake interaction to make up for the *implied* smut coming up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone guess who's back?!! So I have no clue if this has avid readers or not but if it does don't be afraid to talk to me in the comments! It makes the process a little less lonely, and it's always amazing to hear from people who read my stuff. Share your ideas, things you found funny (or hated! I love to hear your critisisms too)
> 
> This began as a stress relief thing. It still is! But now it's evolved into something that I'm actually really proud of. So if you're reading this, I hope it's been able to make you laugh even half as hard as it has me, or just given a little bit of happiness today. 
> 
> I have no intention of stopping anytime soon, so heere we go!

8: 23 Am

Bro1: Brooke

Bro1: i need your help pls

Lohstinhereyes: ?

Brookebae: no

Brookebae: not this again

Bro1: please

Bro1: he’s looking at me weird

Brookebae: and you need me to tell him to shove it?

Bro1: no

Bro1: I just need to look busy

Lohstinhereyes: like he’d believe it

Bro1:Ignoring that

Bro1: Brooke please

Bro1: your the only other one with a free period now

Bro1: I really don’t want to discuss why I quit again

Bro1: as if the crutches weren’t a big enough sign

Brookebae: I’m coming

Brookebae: approaching now

Brookebae: you weren’t kidding

Brookebae: he looks like he’s in mourning right now 

Lohstinhereyes: He’s still getting on your case about that?

JakeyD: Yeah

JakeyD: I don’t think he fully got over me quitting archery for rehearsal

Lohstinhereyes: rehearsal or Christine?

JakeyD: both?

JakeyD: but you’d think it’s obvious why I quit seeing as I don’t play in gym

JakeyD: and am going around in crutches

Brookebae: he looks so out of place here in the library

JakeyD: it’s got chairs, that was all I needed to know

Lohstinhereyes: fair enough

Lohstinhereyes: he doesn’t teach second period right?

JakeyD: nope

JakeyD: but thankfully I’ll be in class

Lohstinhereyes: i have no such issues

Lohstinhereyes: i’ll talk to you guys later

9: 47 Am

Jakey♡ <<< Princess ♡

Jakey ♡: Chloe

Jakey ♡: what did you do to this poor man?

Jakey ♡: he just told me I’m excused as long as I need, and apologized

Princess ♡: and this has to do with me because…

Jakey ♡: he keeps glancing over to you like he’s terrified

Princess ♡: I’m naturally intimidating

Jakey ♡: Chloe

Princess ♡: Jake

Princess ♡: I didn’t do anything 

Princess ♡: but for what it’s worth, I’m glad he’ll finally leave you alone

JennaRolanCalling <<< RulesTheSchool

JennaRolanCalling: so?

JennaRolanCalling: did it work?

Rulestheschool: yeah, it did

Rulestheschool: thanks Jenna

JennaRolanCalling: no problem

JennaRolanCalling: glad I could help

Rulestheschool: how did you find that out though?

Rulestheschool: inquiring minds need to know

JennaRolanCalling: outside sources thankfully

Rulestheschool: ugh

Rulestheschool: we should send them some of the lysol Chrissy bulk bought

Rulestheschool: i’d want to spray it straight into my eyes if I saw that

JennaRolanCalling: right

JennaRolanCalling: maybe bleach?

Rulestheschool: I’m sure she bulk bought that too

Rulestheschool: i hope it helps though

JennaRolanCalling: me too

JennaRolanCalling: just to confirm, this is off record right?

Rulestheschool: he doesn’t know how I know if that’s what your asking

JennaRolanCalling: you know what I mean

Rulestheschool: yes, it’s between us

JennaRolanCalling: I’ll make sure it stays like that

Rulestheschool: thank you Jenna

JennaRolanCalling: you’re welcome

JennaRolanCalling: now if you’ll excuse me

JennaRolanCalling: I got a meeting with a source that I gotta set up for

JennaRolanCalling: I also have to ask Christine about how much lysol she can spare

JennaRolanCalling: you never know who may need it


	10. Does Chloe Valentine is Nerd?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get an answer to a long asked question  
> Also yes, I said Michael and Chloe friendship rights

11: 19 AM

*Brookebae has changed Christiiiiiiine’s name to QueenOfNewYork*

QueenOfNewYork: ooooh!

Bro1: but we’re in Jersey…

QueenOfNewYork: How did I date someone so uncultured

Lohstinhereyes: i’ve asked myself the same thing

Bro1: I have a feeling I know why Chloe

Lohstinhereyes: yeah, I’ll give you that much

Player1: Guys

Player1: important question 

Bro1: ?

Player1: people of this group chat

Player1: Does Chloe Valentine is nerd?

Lohstinhereyes: no

QueenOfNewYork: yes

Bro1: yes

Bro2: yes

Brookebae: oh yes

GossipGirl: yes

Player1: yes

Jere-bear: maybe? I just don’t see it

Brookebae: she is, trust me

Lohstinhereyes: traitor

Player1: so you’re saying it’s true 

Lohstinhereyes: I’m neither denying nor confirming anything

Player1: hey Chlo quick

Player1: What color is Mace Windu's lightsaber?

Lohstinhereyes: purple, why?

Player1: Who is the only non-Jedi in the original Star Wars trilogy to use a lightsaber?

Lohstinhereyes: Han Solo, but how is this relevant?

Player1: Who served as Jabba the Hutt's chief of staff?

Lohstinhereyes: Bib Fortuna, everyone knows that

Player1: Approximately how many languages can C-3PO speak?

Lohstinhereyes: 6 million

Jere-bear: I stand corrected

Lohstinhereyes: so I had a bit of a Star Wars phase, I’m not a nerd

Brookebae: tell it to the massive video game stack you have hidden under your bed

Bro1: and the glasses

Player1: okay this is news

Player1: Chloe you have glasses?

Lohstinhereyes: nope

Bro2: Chloe Valentine is secretly a nerd, my god

Lohstinhereyes: no I’m not

Player1: sure ;)

Player1: just like you weren’t pining after Brooke for the longest time

Brookebae: aww that’s so sweet Chlo!

Lohstinhereyes: Michael I will not hesitate to expose you

Player1: not if I expose you first

Lohstinhereyes: bold of you to assume I didn’t already delete those screenshots

Player1: how-

Lohstinhereyes: hacking is easy hon, you should try it sometime

Player1: still won’t change the fact that your a nerd

Lohstinhereyes: you say that like anyone besides us would believe it

Player1: touché

Player1: but you wouldn't

Lohstinhereyes: oh yeah?

Player1: yeah

Player1: bc you luv me

Lohstinhereyes: whatever

Jere-bear: what did we just witness?

Brookebae: something adorable

Player1: wow Brooke, how old are we?

Brookebae: what? sorry, can't hear you over intensly adoring my gf

Lohstinhereyes: love you too sweetie <3

Player1: I feel betrayed

Lohstinhereyes: phila v.s. eros Micha

Player1: well played

Player1: it's the whole "Chloe Valentine has a heart and feels love" thing that's throwing me off

Lohstinhereyes: whoops

Brookie<3<<< Coco<3

Coco<3: "You see, until I met you, I had only ever experienced desire. Love? Never"

Brookie<3: Oh

Coco<3: sorry

Coco<3: it's just with the whole love talk

Coco<3: I remembered this and thought of you

Brookie<3: Dangerous Liasons, right?

Coco<3: yeah

Coco<3: I really mean it though

Coco<3: I love you, love you Brooke

Coco<3 that's why I get so excited to call you my girlfriend

Coco<3: or just to be near you

Coco<3: thank you for standing by me

Coco<3: I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize I love you

Coco<3: and that I hurt you so badly in the proccess

Coco<3: but I do

Coco<3: and I plan on showing you that for as long as you'll let me

Brooke<3: Chlo, my mascara

Brookie<3: I love you too

Brookie<3: after all

Brookie<3: there's a reason I'm still with you

Brookie<3: sure it hurt at times

Brookie<3: but I've never seen anyone with a bigger heart, even if you keep it a secret at times

Brookie<3: I always knew that you cared Chlo

Brookie<3: And that you still do

Brookie<3: you don't have to prove anything to me

Brookie<3: I've always known

Brookie<3: just like I've always known just how much you love me

Brookie<3: so I will always be by your side, and I'm not going anywhere

Brookie<3: I'm just glad to know I make you as happy as you make me happy

Coco<3: of course you do

Coco<3: come over? I've got something for you

Brookie<3: ok Chlo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I really needed some Pinkberry so there it was! I feel like thanks to the group Chloe began to be more aware of others, and her way of showing she's not mad is something really sweet like what she did bc for her to show feelings is huge, and it's her own silent acknowlegment that she gets it and isn't upset. Only really for Brooke though. Everyone else CAN and WILL know if they peeved her off. Usually continuing the convo, or just her not saying anything they'll know they're all good. Hey, it's a learning proccess. But nobody can deny she cares about her friends.


	11. Brooke becomes a coupon lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the thing worth celebration? You'll find out next chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy Christine and Brooke being a bunch of old ladies with coupons and other stuff

3: 17 pm

QueenofNewYork: Attention

QueenofNewYork: me and Rich are going into business together

Brookebae: nope, goodbye

Lohstinhereyes: this may be entertaining, I’m in

Brookebae: Chlo can give me the highlights, have fun

Brookebae: I'll be busy celebrating :)

GossipGirl: oooh, celebrating what?

Lohstinhereyes: she says you'll find out later

GossipGirl: ugh fine

Jere-bear: thanks a ton jAkE

Bro1: and this is my fault because?

Bro1: we’ve only been holding back the inevitable

Bro1: it was bound to happen

Bro2: um rude

QueenOfNewYork: you don’t even know our plan

Jere-bear: I assume it has to do with lysol?

QueenOfNewYork: yep!

QueenOfNewYork: Jenna actually inspired this one

GossipGirl: why me

QueenOfNewYork: due to a surplus of disinfectants now in my possession

QueenOfNewYork: we needed to find further use for them

Jere-bear: return them?

Brookebae: nah, she showed me the receipts

Brookebae: she got a REALLY good deal on them

QueenOfNewYork: i really did, that was a proud day

Brookebae: i actually found some coupons for it i could pass to you

QueenOfNewYork: oooh nice, I found out they’re having another sale this week

Brookebae: ugh I gotta plan but I can’t yet :(

QueenOfNewYork: circular?

Brookebae: circular

Brookebae: I hate when they don’t come on time

Brookebae: it throws off my planning

Bro1: when the two of you are done being middle aged women…

Lohstinhereyes: let them have it, it’s adorable

Jere-bear: it’s adorable till you’re dragged through aisle after aisle

Jere-bear: and yelled at for adding things to the cart that weren’t on the list

Jere-bear: which apparently only she can see

QueenOfNewYork: how many times

QueenOfNewYork: it’s a mental list

QueenOfNewYork: and you throw it off when you toss random stuff in the cart

Lohstinhereyes: Jeremy, don’t you know throwing off their list is lethal?

Lohstinhereyes: Brooke becomes the literal definition of if looks could kill when shopping

Brookebae: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Brookebae: I will not apologize for saving money

Jere-bear: this feels like a diversionary tactic

Brookebae: no, I’m heading out again

Brookebae: but I had to help defend a fellow couponer

QueenOfNewYork: thanks Brooke

QueenOfNewYork: let’s begin

QueenOfNewYork: Rich?

Bro2: on it

Bro2: As Christine said, we are faced with a surplus of miscellaneous disinfectants. With no knowledge or clue of where else to  
turn, my esteemed partner decided to brainstorm. As we complentated this issue, she received a message from our hopefully new  
partner, Jenna

QueenOfNewYork: Which brings us to the proposition. Out of sympathy for all of those who must suffer through seeing some of  
the things that are the topics of Jenna’s gossip, and also profit, we have a plan. For each informant that Jenna has, we will offer  
lysol for an extra charge so that they may use it as they must to forget what they saw

Bro1: um

Player1: …

Brookebae: i-

Jere-bear: please don’t

GossipGirl: absolutely not

Bro2: We can also draw up a contract

Bro2: Your dad is a lawyer, right Chloe?

Lohstinhereyes: um

Lohstinhereyes: yes

GossipGirl: nope, not happening

GossipGirl: they’re hard enough to get to cooperate without extra charges

Jere-bear: this whole idea is insane

Lohstinhereye: I mean, I could try to get in touch with my dad’s partner…

QueenOfNewYork: Yay!!!!

GossipGirl: I’m telling you it won’t happen

Bro2: fine, but the offer stands


	12. Jake and Sbarros... a thrilling saga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue why i felt it was necessary to write this butttt  
> A) it's a chatfic, literally nothing makes sense  
> B) I died laughing about it as i wrote it  
> C) Chloe and Jake definitely had some private moments together anywhere they could while they were together and I can so see everyone poking fun at it  
> D) Chloe is a total power bottom and it needs to be acknowleged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> sexual content, not described but a couple implications and one outright statement

11:48 AM

They were Popular

JakeyD: guys who’s up for Sbarros

QueenBee: sure 

RichieG: u really just want Sbarro's JakeyD?

RichieG: there’s a reason it’s your favorite ;)

QueenBee:first off I have a girlfriend so that isn’t happening again 

QueenBee: second, um…

QueenBee: how did you know about that?

RichieG: you two are not subtle

Piiiiinkberry: Rich you’re everywhere 

QueenBee: hope you enjoyed the show perv

RichieG: believe me I didn’t want to see that 

RichieG: I wouldn’t mind seeing Jake like that again tho

RichieG: no homo tho bro

JakeyD: k bro

Piiiiinkberry: is this about that time Jake and Chloe got it on in a Sbarros?

QueenBee: apparently

JakeyD: that was a good time

QueenBee: eh

JakeyD: you enjoyed it then

QueenBee: watch it Dillinger

QueenBee: I got a bae who I love very much

Piiiiinkberry: <3

QueenBee: <3

JakeyD: ah love

JakeyD: I'm not saying I'd want to do it again

JakeyD: but are you denying you enjoyed it?

QueenBee: I mean

QueenBee: no?

RichieG: *mentally files away in the Chloe is totally a bottom folder*

QueenBee: ??? 

QueenBee: this has nothing to do with that 

QueenBee: and anyway, proof?

*RichieG has sent a photo*

QueenBee: first off that's only one reason

QueenBee: second I rule this school so get out of here with your “gives off bottom energy”

QueenBee: third, I am going to kill Michael

QueenBee: if anyone here is a bottom it’s you

RichieG: ok bottom

RichieG: I’ve seen the way you look at Brooke Chloe

QueenBee: shut up

RichieG: make me

QueenBee: okay

RichieG: wait, Brooke

RichieG: can you confirm?

RichieG: Brooke

RichieG: Brooke

RichieG: Brooke

QueenBee: stop harassing my gf Richard 

QueenBee: she’s studying rn

RichieG: ugh fine

GossipGirl: I’ve arrived and can't stay

GossipGirl: my only question is

GossipGirl: who has sex at a Sbarros?

QueenBee: Jake

JakeyD: Chloe

RichieG: both of them

Piiiiinkberry: I mean, I would too 

QueenBee: noted

JakeyD: anyways

JakeyD: Chloe, Brooke wanna double date to Sbarros

Piiiiinkberry: yeah sure!

QueenBee: oooh who’s your date?

JakeyD: good point

JakeyD: Rich wanna go to Sbarros?

RichieG: sure

JakeyD: bam! done, date procured

QueenBee: smooth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each of the popular kids 100% are all in a gc together just because and I can see this kinda convo go down... it's all just sex jokes and Chloe venting about Madeline though she will do that in the main chat no questions asked


	13. Chloe v.s. the manager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was largely inspired by the whole pretending to give birth to a bowling ball thing, and the idea that Chloe is 100% a secret mom friend. She probably thinks their all idiots, it's just that nobody's allowed to say so but her, and she will defend them just as fast as she'll defend herself. 
> 
> Warning: brief mention of self harm (reference to I Love Play Rehersal)

February 4th

It’sYaBoi <<< TheCenterofAttention

It’sYaBoi: Chrissy

It’sYaBoi: please tell me we aren’t doing this

TheCenterofAttention: Jere, are you the one who’s about to give birth?

It’sYaBoi: I mean

It’sYaBoi: no?

TheCenterofAttention: exactly

TheCenterofAttention: it’ll be fun

TheCenterofAttention: :D

It’sYaBoi: yeah true

It’sYaBoi: meet you there?

TheCenterofAttention: already waiting ;)

Squip Squad:

6: 53 PM

Player1: That was fun

QueenOfNewYork: yeah, unless you're the one in labor

Jere-bear: yeah true

Jere-bear: but we did make a cute kid

Brookebae: you two honestly would

Player1: I love how nobody needs any context for this

Brookebae: I learned not to ask

Lohstinhereyes: I have not

Lohstinhereyes: so what the hell went down?

Lohstinhereyes: I thought you guys were going bowling

Player1: Improv

Lohstinhereyes: really Chrissy?

QueenOfNewYork: y e p

Lohstinhereyes: please no

Lohstinhereyes: not again

QueenOfNewYork: pleaseeeeee

Bro1: ooh Chloe off to go do her thing

Lohstinhereyes: Chrissy

Lohstinhereyes: how did you manage to get yourselves banned from a bowling alley?

Lohstinhereyes: and why can’t Michael deal with it?

Player1: nah, your better at it then me

Brookebae: he’s right you know

QueenOfNewYork: he is, your much better at it then me, or Jere and Micha

Bro2: dad why don’t you go help your wife?

Jere-bear: I was there and may have also gotten banned (thanks Chrissy)

QueenOfNewYork: yeah… (your welcome, love you too <3)

Lohstinhereyes: fine, just give me two seconds

QueenOfNewYork: thx Chlo!

7:08 PM

Player1: guys I can’t 

Player1: shoot this is the group text

Player1: if i die it was Chloe

Bro2: isn’t it always?

Lohstinhereyes: I’m mad but shockingly not at you Mell, so continue

Player1: I feel loved

Bro2: Since when did you gossip Michael?

Player1: since it came with an opportunity to make fun of Chloe

Bro2: completely fair

Lohstinhereyes: this is Chlophobia, I do not approve

Player1: you made that up one time when you were high

Player1: you can’t keep using it forever

Lohstinhereyes: watch me 

Player1: fine

Brookebae: are we about to find out why Chloe’s ignoring me in favor of Yelp?

Lohstinhereyes: everyone needs to know about this therfore yes, it's going on yelp

Lohstinhereyes: Okay so long story short we all got banned from the bowling alley

Player1: I’m telling the story C h l o e

Lohstinhereyes: you dare use my own spells against me Mell?

Lohstinhereyes: I have a ton of pent up anger and nowhere else to direct it therefore I will be telling this story

Player1: fine, go ahead [7:34]

Bro2: she’s been typing for 5 minutes… [7:39]

Jere-bear: yeah, she has a lot of feelings about this

QueenOfNewYork: mad, gigantic feelings? ;)

Jere-bear: red and frantic feelings? ;)

Bro2: if this is some cutesy inside joke I don’t wanna know

QueenOfNewYork: I mean it’s accompanied by an existential crisis so…

Jere-bear: and you told me you didn’t self harm

QueenOfNewYork: so maybe not a joke

Bro1: …

QueenOfNewYork: yeah, it was an interesting first meet

Brookebae: wait Jake

*Brookebae has changed Bro1’s name to SportyBoi*

SportyBoi: … why?

Brookebae: One of my siblings asked if I was texting “the sports one” while I was on the phone with you earlier and it stuck with me

SportyBoi: That’s fair

SportyBoi: though I’m not really doing sports lately…

Brookebae: :(

Brookebae: maybe soon!

SportyBoi: I mean, we’ll see what the doctor says tomorrow so you never know

Lohstinhereyes: Okay so I got to the bowling alley since these idiots (love you guys) decided it would be a good idea to pretend to give birth to a bowling ball. Cue the screaming, confusion and general banning from said facility. So I decided to try to speak to the manager, who asked me if they were my children. So I said no because obvious reasons when he apparently decided that the only way my opinion on this would matter if I was a legal guardian of theirs. Seeing as i really didn't feel like getting into the ethics of whose opinion should matter, I just pressed on when Christine noticed me and called my name. Turns out Madelines father owns the bowling alley and she has a whole ton of stories to tell him about me. I was telling him about how his daughter is a lying, two faced you know what who shouldn't be spreading stories about others when I have at least ten things on her when he just ended up banning us. I would expect nothing less from Madelines parents, though I feel sorry they raised her. Must have been a nightmare...

SportyBoi:of course it had to do with Madeline

Brookebae: yeah, that makes sense

Lohstinhereyes: so that's that

Jere-bear: oh well

Lohstinhereyes: next time, just find somewhere else to do your improv 

QueenOfNewYork: yes mom

Brookebae: well was it worth it though?

QueenOfNewYork: i'd say, we got some good videos


	14. A/N

Hey everyone! I am so sorry I’ve been dead lately, things have been a little hectic lately. I’ll definitely try to get a new chapter up tomorrow and then I’m going on hiatus until January 10th. It definitely won’t be permanent, but I need a bit of time to gauge out a regular update schedule and really get my head in the game especially with my multi chapter fics

I’m kinda curious if this is a fic anyone wants to see more of or if I should give it a bit of a rest. Comments are huge in terms of motivation and if even one person wants to see more you best believe I’ll keep updating. I love this fic but I’m kinda losing steam which is what I’m hoping this hiatus will also help with. So if you want to see more out there, please let me know!!!

Thank you everyone (does this even have avid readers? Oh well)


	15. Valentine's Day Planning with the Squad ft. Chloe regretting her life & last name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe seriously considers a name change, and Michael gets exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'm taking a hiatus, but I'm trash and couldn't help myself

February 5

1:17 P.M.

Player1: Chloe

Player1: Chloe

Player1: Chloe

Player1: Chloe

Player1: Chlo

LohstInHerEyes: w h a t?

Player1: 9 days till…

Lohstinhereyes: no

Lohstinhereyes: don't you dare

Player1: Valentines Day :D

*Lohstinhereyes has left the chat*

*Brookebae has changed their name to She'sMyValentine*

She'sMyValentine: thanks for the reminder (✿◠‿◠)

Player1: anytime

*She'sMyValentine has added Lohstinhereyes to the chat*

Lohstinhereyes: betrayal

Lohstinhereyes: oh hey Brookie! (◕ ﺮ ◕✿)

She’sMyValentine: hey love!

Player1: :d

Jere-bear: oh shoot

Jere-bear: 9 days???

Player1: you’ve been planning for a month

Player1: but 9 days throws you off?

QueenOfNewYork: planning what?

Jere-bear: something Michael isn’t going to mention

Player1: roger that sir 

QueenOfNewYork: ʕっ• ᴥ• ʔっ 

Jere-bear: ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿ ?

QueenOfNewYork: …

QueenOfNewYork: ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

Jere-bear: (◡‿◡✿)

Player1: I-

*Player1 has left the chat*

*Lohstinhereyes has added Player1 to the chat*

*Lohstinhereyes has changed Player1’s name to NiceTry*

*Lohstinhereyes has changed NiceTry’s name to M&M*

M&M: will you all please just stop with the flower emojis

M&M: I’m beginning to feel like it’s unironic

She’sMyValentine: nope (◕▿◕✿)

Lohstinhereyes: absolutely not (✿ヘᴥヘ)

Jere-bear: nah… (◡‿◡✿)

QueenOfNewYork: no I don’t think I will (◕__◕✿)

M&M: Jeremiah Heere I will tell Christine the plan

Jere-bear: Michael Mell I will talk to Dustin

M&M: *insert dramatic gasp* you would not

Jere-bear: *insert equally dramatic gasp* I would

QueenOfNewYork: *tops both of your dramatic gasps* Dustin?!!!

Lohstinhereyes: Dustin huh?

M&M: Chloe no

Lohstinhereyes: don’t tell me what to do Mell

QueenOfNewYork: he’s my cousin you know…

M&M: CHRISTINE NO

QueenOfNewYork: don’t you tell me what to do Mell

Jere-bear: yeah Micha, don’t tell my girlfriend what to do

Jere-bear: she tells herself what to do and that’s that

Jere-bear: she can advocate that for herself but it bears repeating

QueenOfNewYork: <3

Lohstinhereyes: yep

QueenOfNewYork: pretty much

M&M: idk Brooke I know one person Chloe listens to 100%...

Lohstinhereyes: oh are you referring to the fact that I love and respect my girlfriend therefore I take her feelings and feedback  
into account when she says something? Then yes

Lohstinhereyes: Dustin just received a very interesting text by the way…

M&M: CHLOE

M&M: WHY?

Lohstinhereyes: i swear it wasn't me

QueenOfNewYork: i was busy having my adoration for my boyfriend go up even more so

Jere-bear: (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Lohstinhereyes: Brookie?

She’sMyValentine: yes? (◕▿◕✿)

M&M: forget it

M&M: now we wait I guess

SportyBoi: ATTENTION

Lohstinhereyes: Jake!!!!

M&M : Chloe since when were you ever excited to see Jake

M&M: and I don’t need to hear about *that* again

Lohstinhereyes: since I’ve been concerned about him all day?

SportyBoi: aww thanks Chlo

SportyBoi: so uh… bad news and good news?

M&M: why can I sense Chloe hyperventilating through the phone?

*Lohstinhereyes has removed M&M from the chat*

Lohstinhereyes: continue Jake

SportyBoi: okay so unfortunately they don’t think the crutches are doing it because standing on them left them too damaged and I shouldn’t be exerting them

SportyBoi: which means your boi is now in a wheelchair

Lohstinhereyes: until-

SportyBoi: they don’t know

*Lohstinhereyes has left the chat*

She’sMyValentine: you up for company?

She’sMyValentine: wait I’ll pm you


	16. The Popular Kids have feelings and wow this hurt my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Jake are 100% best friends and it needed to be acknowleged but also what is fluff?
> 
> Yes, their urls are references to their Halloween costumes because I can so see them making fun of each other over them, plus it's the only fluff in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what part of my brain thought this was a good idea but here it is
> 
> T.W  
> Implied self harm  
> Reference to a suicide attempt
> 
> Just... proceed with caution

IGiveYouSexyDog <<< Prince

IGiveYouSexyDog: are you okay?

Prince: no

IGiveYouSexyDog: i had a whole speech prepared about how being your best friend since we were 6 means I can read you like a book but we won’t be needing that

IGiveYouSexyDog: do you want to talk about you? Or someone else your worried about

Prince: I’ve been waiting for it for a while and I went in expecting the worst. I mean, they said it probably won’t be permanent. But Rich came along and when they announced that I’d be needing the wheelchair, things hit the fan. I mean, he’s finally beginning to believe that I forgive him 

IGiveYouSexyDog: do you though?

Prince: Brooke we’ve been over this

IGiveYouSexyDog: I’m just asking

IGiveYouSexyDog: I get it, I’ve forgiven Chloe for a lot. But nothing like this. I’m not judging, it’s your choice and your relationship

IGiveYouSexyDog: But do you feel like you maybe feel like you're worried he’s going to catch on to how you really feel?

Prince: Brooke I’m really not in the mood for a psycho analysis

Prince: and he knows full well how I “really feel”

Prince: but it took a ton of healing work to get to this place and it took energy on both our ends to get to where we are that I don’t think I can find right now

Prince: then I feel guilty every time because of everything he went through with the squip and knowing why he set that fire so I feel like I should be worried about him and not myself

IGiveYouSexyDog: Jacob Axel Dillinger

IGiveYouSexyDog: don’t you dare feel guilty for caring about yourself 

IGiveYouSexyDog: Rich has people who can help him through it. We care about you but if you’re worried, we aren’t going to turn on him because of this. If you’ve forgiven him, so can we. He’s cared for and we’ll all help him through it. But what about you Jake? I don’t want you to close off and feel like we can only give our energy to one or the other because I know you. 

Prince: fine. Only if you promise to keep an eye on Chloe too

IGiveYouSexyDog: i- what?

Prince: don’t kid yourself Brooke, you aren’t the only one who knows Chloe cares much more than she lets on. I know her and that she beats herself up over things. You remember how our breakup went right?

IGiveYouSexyDog: you know she didn’t actually mean what she said

Prince: I know. I’ve told her that ten times. But that doesn’t change the fact that no matter how many times she says that she knows I know, she’ll probably be beating herself up over it. You remember the signs to look for?

IGiveYouSexyDog: Yes, I remember. I’ll keep an eye on her but Jake. I’m coming over in a few okay?

Prince: okay. I’ll be the one in the wheelchair

Brookie <3 <<< Chrissy <3

*Brookie<3 has sent a screenshot*

Brookie<3: it’s cut off for reasons but

Brookie<3: we’ve got a situation on our hands

Brookie<3: I’ve now got three people to watch out for and I can’t do it myself

Chrissy<3: I’m going to assume the other two are Rich and Jake?

Brookie<3: yes

Chrissy<3: what are you and Jake looking for signs of?

Brookie<3: there was a… situation a few months back

Chrissy<3: no way

Chrissy<3: i literally never would have guessed

Brookie<3: yeah, well neither did we

Brookie<3: point is we’ve been trying to avoid a relapse 

Brookie<3: but I’m sure you heard what Chloe had to say when Jake came out of the hospital?

Chrissy<3: i think we all did

Brookie<3: yeah… point is she never fully forgave herself for that and now with this. I was worried to begin with but if even Jake’s noticing it something must be up. I sure as hell am not telling him if something does happen but I can’t deal with it on my own

Brookie<3: so if something does end up happening, can I lean on you for support?

Brookie<3: nothing insane! But an imminent crisis, I can’t deal with alone

Chrissy<3: of course

Chrissy<3: I’ll be able to look out for Rich too

Brookie<3: I keep forgetting you two were so close

Chrissy<3: yeah well…

Chrissy<3: point is I can try to help

Chrissy<3: you worry about Jake and Chloe, okay?

Brookie<3: thank you

Chrissy<3: of course

Chrissy<3: i wanted to go visit Jake, is he up for company?

Brookie<3: I- think so?

Chrissy<3: actually, I’ll go later

Chrissy<3: give him my love, and tell him I’ll talk to him later

Brookie<3: will do


	17. Wheelchair Racing and ER Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah remember how I hinted at Brooke and Jake sharing a communal braincell? Well, there's definitely a ton of angst to delve into with the wheelchair situation BUT if you don't think that most of the squad have taken a joyride on the wheelchair by pushing Jake... idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you leave two people sharing one braincell, the brain cell can fall asleep OR be in the hands of a responsible care taker. In the absence of the common sense brain cell, the few brain cells that previously lived there may bounce into the corner, causing the person to experience a Thought™ (trust me guys I'm a scientist and also saw this on Tumblr once)
> 
> Well, that Thought™ may not always be the smartest one, especially without the aid of the common sense brain cell. And that kids, is how you can end up bashing your head into concrete after taking your friends wheelchair for a joyride ft. Jake & Brooke

February 6

11:18 PM

*Lohstinhereyes had rejoined the chat*

Sportyboi: we’ve decided to name the wheelchair

Lohstinhereyes: of course you have

Lohstinhereyes: also who is we

Sportyboi: me and my multiple personalities 

Sportyboi: me and Brooke who else

Lohstinhereyes: you and your multiple personalities, you literally just said it

QueenOfNewYork: what’s its name Jake?

Sportyboi: well if the washing machine is Pennywise

Sportyboi: then the wheelchair can be Georgie

Lohstinhereyes: …

Lohstinhereyes: you did not

Lohstinhereyes: Brooke Adrianna Lohst I am going to murder you

She’sMyValentine: Jake how much did you tell her?!!!

SportyBoi: literally nothing besides the name, she’s just psychic

Lohstinhereyes: literally right here

SportyBoi: oops

QueenOfNewYork: ?

She’sMyValentine: Chloe’s apparently got a sixth sense for when we get into trouble

SportyBoi: i mean she’s gonna find out eventually

SportyBoi: it is a lot of blood

She’sMyValentine: check the chat Jake

SportyBoi: …

QueenOfNewYork: 3

She’sMyValentine: 2

SportyBoi: 1

Lohstinhereyes: are you kidding me

Lohstinhereyes: i’ll be there in two seconds

Lohstinhereyes: and Jake?

Lohstinhereyes: if it’s serious two broken legs won’t even be close to your biggest problem

Prince<3 <<< Juliet <3

Juliet<3: nice knowing you

Prince<3: thanks. It was a good life

Juliet: how bad is it?

Prince<3: idk I’m not an expert on traumatic head injuries

Juliet<3: for both your sakes I sincerely hope you joking

Prince<3: maybe?

Prince<3: though apparently speed racing a wheelchair isn’t exactly the best idea

SQUIP Squad

Jere-bear: assuming everyones alive

Jere-bear: what happened?

She’sMyValentine: nothing, Chloe’s just dramatic

Lohstinhereyes: falling back onto concrete and bashing your head is not nothing Brooke

Bro2: why do I feel like this is the tenth time they’re having this conversation?

She’sMyValentine: it is

She’sMyValentine: note to everyone

She’sMyValentine: if Jake says he wants to go fast either say no

She’sMyValentine: or make sure there’s nothing around that you can trip on

SportyBoi: you ran into a fire hydrant

She’sMyValentine: yeah exactly

She’sMyValentine: anyone could have tripped over that

Jere-bear: and Jake’s somehow okay because…

SportyBoi: she let go at the right time and I ended up being able to stop myself

She’sMyValentine: your welcome :D

1:36 AM

She’sMyValentine: tacos tho

She’sMyValentine: Chlo

She’sMyValentine: Chlo Chlo puffs

Lohstinhereyes: yes babe?

She’sMyValentine: can we get tacos?

Lohstinhereyes: if you want

*She’sMyValentine has sent a photo*

She’sMyValentine: woah

QueenOfNewYork: Chloe, how many drugs did they give her

Lohstinhereyes: as of now?

Lohstinhereyes: none 

Lohstinhereyes: just a ton of blood lost

Bro2: on the first day of Christmas the doctors gave to me… 

Lohstinhereyes: …?

Lohstinhereyes: O H

Lohstinhereyes: no, Jake gave her blood loss

SportyBoi: no the concrete did

Jere-bear: how… how do you GIVE someone blood loss?

Lohstinhereyes: i don’t know I haven’t slept in like two days

Lohstinhereyes: so I cannot be held responsible for thinking of word

Jere-bear: word

Lohstinhereyes: what did i JUST say

2: 26 AM

*Lohstinhereyes has sent a photo*

Lohstinhereyes: she spent the entire time telling the doctor about her cat

Jere-bear: she has a cat?

Lohstinhereyes: she does now apparently

3:13 AM

Lohstinhereyes: on a taco run, anyone want anything?

QueenOfNewYork: you're getting tacos at 3 am?

Lohstinhereyes: yes

Lohstinhereyes: do you guys want?

QueenOfNewYork: you know what? Why not

Jere-bear: it’s 3 am…

QueenOfNewYork: I’m not sharing any with you then

Jere-bear: wait no

Jere-bear: I want too

Bro2: second that

Lohstinhereyes: okay so everyones getting tacos basically?

SportyBoi: yeah

Lohstinhereyes: not you, you can starve

Sportyboi: *puppy dog eyes*

Lohstinhereyes: okay fine

Jere-bear: he literally typed out puppy dog eyes

SportyBoi: yep

Jere-bear: and it worked?

Lohstinhereyes: yep

6:30 AM

*Bro2 has sent a photo*

Bro2: so somehow between her texting me to bring a change of clothes and me getting here she managed to fall asleep

QueenOfNewYork: cute

Bro2: watch her end up being like “it was for warmth”

QueenOfNewYork: Rich… she knows we know they’re dating

8:46 AM

She’sMyValentine: i want to get up but also don’t wanna wake her up?

Bro2: considering that she’s slept through the beeping and like ten nurses I don’t think you have to worry

She’sMyValentine: yeah… but like… 

Bro2: do you want me to wake her up for you?

She’sMyValentine: no don’t you dare

9:04 AM

Lohstinhereyes: “this is oppression”- Brooke after being told she has to wait to get discharged

She’sMyValentine: is it not?

Lohstinhereyes: no

SportyBoi: no

QueenOfNewYork: no

Jere-bear: no

Bro2: no

*She’sMyValentine has changed Bro2’s name to Traitor*

Traitor: ???

Traitor: why?

Traitor: why me?

She’sMyValentine: idk

*She’sMyValentine has changed Traitor’s name to ThatGuy*

ThatGuy: this is fine

SportyBoi: Chloe why would you give Brooke admin rights while she’s high on whatever

Lohstinhereyes: why do we do anything really?

*She’sMyValentine has added M&M to the chat*

*She’sMyValentine has changed M&M’s name to HumanBeing*

HumanBeing: says who?

*She’sMyValentine has changed HumanBeing’s name to Alienorsmth*

Jere-bear: I mean-

Alienorsmth: is Brooke okay right now?

Lohstinhereyes: we’ll find out soon enough

Alienorsmth: that’s not ominous at all

Lohstinhereyes: :)

10: 29 AM

*ThatGuy has sent a photo*

ThatGuy: i come back from McDonalds and find this instead

Lohstinhereyes: shh it’s a precautionary measure to make sure she doesn’t up and run

ThatGuy: just admit it you want a excuse to be cuddling her

Lohstinhereyes: your point…?


	18. This Chapter is dedicated to the amazingly creepy perfect sync of Katlyn and Lauren's voices during The Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of (very) short but honestly the next chapter *should* make up for it, and this one was just kind of... a preface to it? I don't know
> 
> Like the chapter said, that rendition of Do You Wanna Ride during the Play always gives me chills because of how perfectly in sync it is (no I don't take opinions on that) so naturally it deserved to be mentioned
> 
> If I ended up syncing with my best friend, you better believe i would be holding off on the whole... matching thing for a while

February 7  
9: 29

*She’sMyValentine has changed their name to DoneWithLife*

*LohstInHerEyes has changed their name to PermanentlyExhausted*

PermanentlyExhausted: sleep deprivation isn’t a state of being, it’s a lifestyle

DoneWithLife: Chlo, you can’t use that every time someone tells you to sleep

PermanentlyExhausted: ಥ_ಥ

DoneWithLife: how did she manage to make that exact face-

Alienorsmth: how does she do anything really?

GossipGirl: what happened with the matching urls?

*PermanentlyExhausted has changed GossipGirl’s name to PokemonNerd*

PokemonNerd: point taken

SportyBoi: I get Chloe’s but you okay Brooke?

DoneWithLife: thanks for checking in, I’m still a piece of garbage (◠▿◠✿)

SportyBoi: was… was that a vine reference?

DoneWithLife: maybe

Mell <<< Valentine

Mell: while Jake’s going on with that

Mell: Jenna had a point

Mell: everything okay?

Valentine: what?

Mell: you changed your url’s

Valentine: yeah I know

Mell: are you two doing okay?

Valentine: yep

Mell: okay then

Valentine: the whole… matching kinda freaked both of us out

Mell: ?

Mell: oh

Mell: from the play?

Valentine: yeah… just the whole completely syncing thing is kinda creepy to me now

Mell: *nods of affirmation*

Valentine: my phone keeps going off -_-

Mell: Jake and his vine references


	19. ...Hi Welcome to Chili's with a quick commercial break brought to you by Parenthood! The song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vine references and Beetlejuice...
> 
> two very good things indeed
> 
> Whether or not I wrote out Ready, Set, Not Yet or just copied it and made additions... the world may never know

Squip Squad

SportyBoi: I’m in me mums car VROOM VROOM

DoneWithLife: GET OUT ME CAR

SportyBoi: awwww :(

SportyBoi: It's a avocadooo

ThatGuy: thanksss

DoneWithLife: AHH! Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant (≖ ‸ ≖ ✿)

Alienorsmth: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

SportyBoi: Two brooss chillin in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay

ThatGuy: What's better than this? Guys bein dudes

DoneWithLife: Chlo… I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag

PermanentlyExhausted: You spilled — whaghwhha — lipstick in my Valentino White bag?!!!

DoneWithLife: Go ahead and introduce yourselves

Alienorsmth: My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-

DoneWithLife: Stop, stop, stop. Where?

Alienorsmth: Hmm?

DoneWithLife: Where's the B?

Alienorsmth: There's a bee?????

PokemonNerd: And they were roommates

DoneWithLife: OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES

Alienorsmth: WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?

ThatGuy: those are my c r o c s

DoneWithLife: Look at alllll those chickens!

SportyBoi: I'm a chicken nugget

*PermanentlyExhausted has taken a screenshot*

PermanentlyExhausted: y’all need a vibe check

Alienor Smith: ADAM

QueenOfNewYork: FOLKS SAY ADAM

QueenOfNewYork: Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid? And even if you did have a kid this crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it so it simply exists to remind you your sense of perfection is just a reflection that you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid

QueenOfNewYork: ADAM

QueenOfNewYork: why don't you live? Adam, just make a startttt

QueenOfNewYork: Are you willing to take the next step?

QueenOfNewYork: Ready, set

QueenOfNewYork: Ready, set

DoneWithLife: LOOK AT THESE JUGS

DoneWithLife: Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery, I took some clay and made you pottery! The world will never wreck you, I'll protect you in a mother's embrace

DoneWithLife: Folks say, Barbara

DoneWithLife: Why can't you see that ceramics is simply a manifestation of motherly panic, by making a baby that's breakable aren't you creating a way of translating the terror of making maternal mistakes into clay hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom

DoneWithLife: Barbara

DoneWithLife: That’s what you’ve done, Barbara. Just make a starttttt

DoneWithLife: Are you willing to take the next step?

DoneWithLife: Ready, set

QueenOfNewYork: Here we stand

DoneWithLife: At the end of a 10-year plan

QueenOfNewYork: A house, a yard, a minivan

DoneWithLife: A baby should be next

QueenOfNewYork: Together let's leap off the cliff

DoneWithLife: Fall forever, then smash to bits (pls)

QueenOfNewYork: Trapped in a terrifying viper pit (ok edge queen)

DoneWithLife: Of diapers and regret ( aww thx)

*DoneWithLife has changed their name to EdgeQueen*

QueenOfNewYork: Are we willing to take the next step? (nice)

QueenOfNewYork: Ready, set

EdgeQueen: Ready, set (why thank you)

QueenOfNewYork: Not yet

EdgeQueen:: Not yet

QueenOfNewYork: Why rush?

EdgeQueen:: Why rush?

QueenOfNewYork: Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed (damn-)

EdgeQueen:: But not yet! (lies, they’ve been crushed long ago)

QueenOfNewYork: Not yet!

EdgeQueen:Not now

QueenOfNewYork: Not now

QueenOfNewYork: Ooohh?

QueenOfNewYork: No!

QueenOfNewYork: See? We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards

EdgeQueen: You are absolutely right! Let's add it to the list

EdgeQueen: With the cracks in the plaster

QueenOfNewYork: The wi-fi should be faster

EdgeQueen: This sofa needs a castor

QueenOfNewYork: The bathroom's a disaster!

EdgeQueen: What about global poverty?

QueenOfNewYork: What about world peace?

EdgeQueen: Then there's the whole darn economy :/

QueenOfNewYork: The whole Middle East

EdgeQueen: We should learn Mandarin

QueenOfNewYork: Yeah! Or Spanish at least

EdgeQueen: No habla español

QueenOfNewYork: Dos cervezas por favor

EdgeQueen: And that's all we got

QueenOfNewYork: And that's not a lot

EdgeQueen: Do we want a bilingual household or not? (Chloe if you’re seeing these the answer is yes we do, our kids will speak french)

QueenOfNewYork:So let's go slow

EdgeQueen: No breaking a sweat

QueenOfNewYork: What's the point of having children if we're drowning in debt?

EdgeQueen: Now we're totally

QueenOfNewYork: Completely

EdgeQueen: Maybe eighty percent

QueenOfNewYork: I'd say seventy-eight

EdgeQueen: Ready to take

QueenOfNewYork: The next step

PermanentlyExhausted: Brooke, babe

PermanentlyExhausted: try multilingual, French isn’t the only language they’ll have to learn to keep up with our families

Jere-bear: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

QueenOfNewYork: ...Hi Welcome to Chili's

Jere-bear: betrayal

QueenOfNewYork: “Though those that are betray’d do feel the treason sharply, yet the traitor stands in worse case of woe”- William Shakespeare 

QueenOfNewYork: “Pray you now, forget and forgive.” - William Shakespeare

Jere-bear: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”- William Shakespeare

QueenOfNewYork: “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”- William Shakespeare

Jere-bear: oof

SportyBoi: alrighty y’all

Alienorsmth: i want to hear Jake actually saying y’all

QueenOfNewYork: it’s an experience

*SportyBoi has sent a voice message*

Alienorsmth: okay I can die in peace now


	20. We Stan A Literal Queen (ft. Brooke being a mood)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me abandoning this for like a month...
> 
> but I'm back! and I have an update schedule beginning February 1st!
> 
> This chapter is a bit chaotic so let me explain...
> 
> DiCaprio > DaVinci. This is just facts- and in no way because I was a dumb child who though they were the same person before I grew up to hate on DaVinci because reasons. I'm just saying- he may have been "good" but he wasn't *that* good~ yes it's a weird thing to have an opinion on no i don't take critisism
> 
> Also outdated memes led me to believe that DiCaprio hadn't gotten an Oscar yet- i had to crawl out from that rock I've been living under and google it to find out he actually did
> 
> Christines user is just self explanatory... we stan Boleyn

February 8

*PermanentlyExhausted has changed their name to PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls*

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: @EdgeQueen ;)

EdgeQueen: i-

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: :3

SportyBoi: i understood that reference

SportyBoi: also get a room

SportyBoi: V-day isn’t 4 another 4 days

*EdgeQueen has sent a photo*

EdgeQueen: i mean i have my paints set up so…

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: great- be there soon

AlienOrSmth: ew- couples

*QueenOfNewYork has changed their name to StanBoleyn*

StanBoleyn: we stan a literal queen

EdgeQueen: we d o

EdgeQueen: oh and @PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls

*EdgeQueen has changed their name to DiCaprioNotDaVinci*

DiCaprioNotDaVanci: :D

StanBoleyn: ???

DiCaprioNotDaVinci: DiCaprio is better than DaVinci

Jere-bear: accurate but how did you get to this conclusion?

DiCaprioNotDaVinci: facts, common sense and a steaming hatred for Leonardo DaVinci

Jere-bear: he’s dead tho...

DiCaprioNotDaVinci: good

DiCaprioNotDaVinci: w a i t

*DiCaprioNotDaVinci had changed their name to QueenOfTheWorld*

StanBoleyn: The World?!!

QueenOfTheWorld: shoot i forgot-

StanBoleyn: Pulitzer and Hearst they think they got us-

Jere-bear: do they got us?

SportyBoi: n o

*PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls has changed StanBoleyns name to Jack(Kelly)*

*PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls has changed Jere-bears name to KPulitzer*

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: >i regret nothing<

Jack(Kelly): Brooooke right this injustice

*QueenOfTheWorld has changed Jack(Kelly)’s name to StanBoleyn

KPulitzer: this is fine

StanBoleyn: then Brooke’s Crutchie

ThatGuy: ^

SportyBoi: ^

KPulitzer: ^

AlienOrSmth: ^

PokemonNerd: ^

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: ^

*QueenOfTheWorld has changed their name to Crutchie*

Crutchie: I’ll accept it

ThatGuy: I’ll take Spot

Crutchie: accurate

StanBoleyn: DiCaprio actually got his Oscar?

PokemonNerd: years ago (finally)

StanBoleyn: woah-

Crutchie: I know I’m so proud of him

Crutchie: ooh Chloe’s here- bye gays!

AlienOrSmth: bye

ThatGuy: bye

KPulitzer: bye!

SportyBoi: bye

StanBoleyn: bye!

ThatGuy: Chrissy you’re…?

StanBoleyn: ace- yep!

Jere-bear: <3

StanBoleyn: <3

ThatGuy: nice

ThatGuy: JAKE YOU’RE…

SportyBoi: pan- you never knew?

ThatGuy: I- did not

PokemonNerd: screenshotted

StanBolyen: @Crutchie wait mom come back

ThatGuy: wait mom left

KPulitzer: i want no part of whatever you’re planning so goodbye

StanBoleyn: Jere stay pleaseeee

ThatGuy: he couldn’t handle my plan

StanBoleyn: i’m listening…

KPulitzer: nope- goodbye

PokemonNerd: i’m leaving for deniability

SportyBoi: i want to know the plan but i’ll find out later- have fun

AlienOrSmth: i value my life so i’m not helping you with this

StanBoleyn: so what’s the plan?

ThatGuy: well you see…


	21. That's not a meme... that's a threat-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone...
> 
> So thankfully my mental state is a whole lot better now, and since my last couple works have been very dark- i thought it would be really cool to do something a bit more cheerful :)
> 
> Then I remembered it's canon that Brooke has nipple piercings (at least in the book if I'm remembering correctly...) and this chapter was born! (combined with my briefly reawakened Phantom phase...)

February 9th

Crutchie: i had an *idea*

StanBoleyn: ?

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: i’m concerned

Crutchie: chlo can you come with?

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: sure- but where?

Crutchie: i wanna get a piercing

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: but you already pierced your ears and belly button

Crutchie: mmhmm

PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls: if it’s what I’m thinking- n o

Crutchie: I’m going

Crutchie: goin’

Crutchie: gone <3

KPulitzer: what is she doing?

*PaintMeLikeOneOfYourFrenchGirls has changed their name to DeadInside*

DeadInside: not me unfortunately

*StanBoleyn has changed their name to Christiiiine(Daee)*

Christiiiine(Daee): Jere has reawoken my Phantom phase

*KPulitzer has changed their name to VicomteDeChagny*

ThatGuy: wait I know this-

ThatGuy: Jeremy you do give off Raoul vibes

Christiiiine(Daee): he does doesn’t he

VicomteDeChagny: *shrugs*

SportyBoi: Chlo where did Brooke go?

DeadInside: oh she went to get more piercings

SportyBoi: what kind…

DeadInside: dunno

*Crutchie has changed their name to Hotel?Trivago*

*Hotel?Trivago has changed SportyBoi’s name to JakeFromStateFarm*

*Hotel?Trivago has changed ThatGuy’s name to TheDuolingoOwl*

DeadInside: welcome back Brookie <3

*Hotel?Trivago has changed DeadInside’s name to SaintChloe*

JakeFromStateFarm: just a sec let me grab my khakis

TheDuolingoOwl: why?

Hotel?Trivago: bc like Duo, you are clingy, tiny and terrify me at times

TheDuolingoOwl: i know you didn’t diss my guy Duo-

SaintChloe: well guess we’re all gonna die now

*Hotel?Trivago has sent a screenshot*

Hotel?Trivago: that’s the tenth notification today

AlienOrSmth: wait i thought those were just memes?

Hotel?Trivago: that’s not a meme that’s a threat

*TheDuolingoOwl has sent a photo*

TheDuolingoOwl: i mean i too would like to eat a loaf of poisoned bread

TheDuolingoOwl: I accept this as my true form

SaintChloe: Brooke where did you get piercings?

SaintChloe: Brooke

SaintChloe: Brooke

SaintChloe: Brooke

SaintChloe: Brooke

Hotel?Trivago: yah?

SaintChloe: the piercings

SaintChloe: where?

Hotel?Trivago: nipple piercings

SaintChloe: oh-

SaintChloe: do they hurt?

Hotel?Trivago: yes

HotelTrivago: can you come pls?

SaintChloe: omw

*Hotel?Trivago has gone offline*

*SaintChloe has gone offline*

TheDuolingoOwl: Jake

JakeFromStateFarm: yeah?

TheDulingoOwl: i’m b o r e d

JakeFromStateFarm: wua?

TheDuolingoOwl: with chlo

JakeFromStateFarm: you’re with Chloe?

TheDuolingoOwl: well- at Chloe’s

TheDuolingoOwl: She’s with Brooke

SaintChloe: problem Dillinger?

JakeFromStateFarm: no ma’am

Christiiiine(Daee): why don’t you ever call me ma’am :(

JakeFromStateFarm: uh-

JakeFromStateFarm: bc?

Christiiiine(Daee): that’s fair

AlienOrSmth: wait we have to call Christine ma’am?

VicomteDeChagny: wait what?

Christiiiine(Daee): no

Christiiiine(Daee): just Jake :D

*Hotel?Trivago has changed the chat name to ChristineProtectionSquad*

*Hotel?Trivago has changed their name to A.Ham*

A.Ham: i too am more then willing to die (for Christine)

VicomteDeChagny: rt

SaintChloe: rt

TheDuolingoOwl: rt

JakeFromStateFarm: rt

AlienOrSmth: rt

PokemonNerd: rt

Christiiiine(Daee): :O

Christiiiine(Daee): please don’t

*A.Ham has changed their name to SimplyBrooke* 

SimplyBrooke: consider it done

SaintChloe: you scare me

SimplyBrooke: you love me

SaintChloe: - this is true

SimplyBrooke: they hurt

SaintChloe: i know love- but what do you want me to do about it?

*SimplyBrooke has deleted a message*

SimplyBrooke: come back inside for starters

SaintChloe: oh-

SaintChloe: I’m coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering how Chloe automatically just figured Brooke was getting nipple piercings?
> 
> ... i don't know either. Just- roll with it


End file.
